A very special treat for my readers! My best blogging buddy, Stephanie from When Crazy Meets Exhaustion has created a Valentine’s Day special post for you! Enjoy and send some love her way!
Well hello there, friends!
When my pal Amanda asked if I would write a little Valentine somethin’ for her to share with you, I was all for it. I mean, I feel right at home here with you, her loyal readers. As proof, I’ve taken off my bra and just helped myself into your fridge.
Wanna know a secret? Amanda and I have only met ONCE! We work together in a virtual school, and the year our daughters were born, we hiked it to a centrally located Olive Garden for some bread stick yumminess and good conversation. Since that day, we’ve been electronically inseparable. She’s dubbed us same-sex soul mates because we have a freaky ton in common: our little boys who own our hearts are about the same age; we were both smitten enough to try for #2 right around the boys’ first birthdays and have been blessed with diva daughters; we’re both English teachers who started our careers in less-than-stellar conditions (you’ve seen Dangerous Minds, yes?). The list goes on, but I’m not here to discuss that list. I’m here to break you off a piece of this:
Valentine’s Day: a reason for lovers to love a little more. Or to massacre a bunch of people in Chicago. But let’s focus on the former, shall we? It’s all chocolate hearts and steamy sex for many couples, but when some of that there steaminess results in a bundle of joy and there’s more coming out of your hooha than going in it, well, shit gets real.
1. Getting ready to be on display in public, formerly known as “primping,” entails much more than a few swipes of mascara and spritzes of hairspray these days. When did those forehead lines get so deep? Is there no concealer on earth that will hide the under eye baggage? And your Spanx aren’t saved for special occasions any more; they’re for any occasion that puts you in the same room as women who do not need the extra suffocation support.
2. You make an early-bird dinner reservation because you want to get into bed as soon as possible. To sleep.
3. You clean your plate at said early-bird dinner because you no longer worry about looking 5-months pregnant with a food baby. That sexy Vicky Secrets get-up has since been replaced by sweatpants.
4. A glass of red will be enough to make you feel hung over in the morning.
5. Try as you might, you and the hubs will talk about the kids for the majority of the evening.
Did you hear our Boy sing the new song he learned at preschool?
YES! He has the voice of an angel.
He really does. I bet he’ll be a doctor and find the cure for cancer, or premature balding. He’s that smart.
And how adorable is he?! I mean, he’s so much cuter than the other kids in his class.
6. You’re obligated to share whatever gifts you receive: your mini-Mariah Carey wants to hold one of your flowers? Give’em up, Mama. Prince Charming insists he sample your chocolate? Get a Wet Wipe–it’s going to get messy up in here.
7. Once the kids have been tucked in and you and your guy could potentially be knocking ‘da boots, you’ll opt to watch CNN because this debt is outta control and, as adults and parents, it is our responsibility to keep abreast of the situation. Abreast. Hehehehe!
8. Even though there was no overnight stay in a luxury hotel and the crab cakes from dinner have given you explosive gas, you will fall asleep in your handsome man’s arms, the proud Mama of perfect children, with a sense of pride and fulfillment that only comes when a woman’s vajayjay has, in fact, become a two-way street.
Happy Heart Day, everyone!
I hope to see you again. Feel free to come take your bra off at my place any time…wait. That just sounds bad.
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