I knew it would happen eventually. I just wasn’t prepared for it to happen so soon. Of course I wouldn’t be the only girl in his life forever. Dammit, I should have kept him inside today. I let my son out of my sight at my in-laws for two minutes, and in that time, he caught a glimpse of the home wrecker neighbor girl.
I get it, she is adorable with her wild blonde hair, the fact that she is slightly older than him is intriguing, and she has a bit of a rebellious side never wearing shoes and refusing to wear a helmet. Apparently the boy has a type.
He has tons of friends that are girls, and I usually have to remind him to not play so rough. Girls don’t like to wrestle. Don’t throw dirt on girls. Girls don’t appreciate headlocks. But the silly grin plastered on his face when she crossed the yard told me this wasn’t the normal playmate.
When I saw this shoeless gal stroll up to my boy, I was not prepared for what would unfold before my eyes. Or at the very least, if I did have to prepare myself, I hoped he would hold off on this behavior until middle school when I could ignore it or hide in the kitchen drinking wine straight out of the bottle.
It started with Monkey laughing a little too loud at her jokes, agreeing to play games he usually doesn’t like to play, and attempting to put on her brother’s roller blades because she wanted to roller blade. Do kids even roller blade anymore you ask? Apparently they do, and I had to pull Monkey out of a pair before he fell and broke his neck.
After I filled the water table for the third time, I banned him from tipping it over again, but she giggled and laughed when he Hulked out on the table tossing it to the side and spilling the contents down the deck. Apparently her siren call was too powerful and the water went soaring across my feet in defiance. Now I see your game, sir. I vaguely remember your father pulling the same stunts, but his may have involved beer and a funnel. Different tools, same effect.
Then as if he was staring in his own version of Jackass, the boy grabbed his little red bike and started peddling it down a grassy hill. He yelled to get her attention just before he “crashed” on the bike. His dramatic “fall” was followed up by rolling down the rest of this hill and laying at the bottom for a while. Just enough time for her to come running to see if he was OK.
When she asked me “Can Monkey come play in my house?” I didn’t tell her “NO!” too forcefully because I want to shelter my boy or I have a strange obsession with my son (maybe a little), but it was because after watching his “moves” and him work his “game” I needed to save that kid from him own devices. Plus it was dinnertime.
He has plenty of years to have crushes, but I CANNOT, Dear LORD, I CANNOT handle it now. I’m not sure I can ever really handle it. So until I am ready, the only wild haired blonde he needs is his life is his Mamma. Wow! If that isn’t a phrase that says this kid will need therapy, I don’t know what is.
Screw it, I’ll pay for his therapy I’m sticking to my guns.
In kindergarten, Nate brought home a book bag full of love notes from a little girl name Isabella. I was so distraught over it because she drew pictures of the two of them holding hands with hearts all around them. Then, there was another girl the following week who sent a note home with him that basically said “Dump Isabella and be my boyfriend”. When we talked about it he said he “guessed” they were fighting over him.
I calmly explained that they can’t fight over him because he is mine for at least the next 10 years. I told him he could tell them that. I never heard about either girl after that. I’m not sure if they gave up or if my son just decided to start hiding the notes so I wouldn’t embarrass him any more.
I am still not ready to let go of Legos, Thomas, Phineas and Ferb and goodnight kisses. Girls stink.
Boom! No girls allowed! Girls do stink (unless it our daughters, of course). I think I will need to have the “you are mine” talk with him. I can’t say this enough, I cannot handle this!
This. Is. Gold. Seriously!!! Beer and a funnel–different tools, same effect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, Lady! Men…no matter the age, they are all the same!
The Pursuit of Normal says
The best, though, is when they have a crush yet have no idea. My kindergartener wanted to go to Target to get a bday card for his friend Caroline. We’ve never bought a card for any friend. We always make them and only for kids whose party we are attending. But Caroline needed a homemade card inspite of the fact that there was no party to attend. So I began to investigate. But no matter how many questions I asked trying to dtermine if Caroline was a “special” friend or a “different” friend or “more important than any other friend” I got nothn’! That was 6 months ago and she is still the talk of the town in our house- but still not considered “special.” Pretty sure he’s in denial. Or secretly texting her when I’m not looking;)
Nooo! I can’t even think of the texting days. Wahhhh!
Hi! My son is still a toddler but I dread the day he’s behave like this! I can totally understand your feelings.
A woman after my own heart! My son is three and clearly I am irrational!
Tracy @ Momaical says
Hahahaha awesome!!! My kindergartener has a “secret boyfriend club” at school. Her secret boyfriend is Jeff Corwin. At least she has good taste. I am SO not ready for this.
There should be rules against this whole boyfriend an girlfriend thing, right?
Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. says
His own version of Jackass…. ha! My six year old daughter has been boy-crazy since she was three. For real. SIgh.
Sigh is right! My little girl loves attention from men. No bueno
Hilarious! Wish I could say that it gets better, but watching the 5th grade boys yesterday take the girl’s “graduation beach balls” and play keep away both amusing and disturbing. I’m going to need a boatload of help to make it through junior high.
I cannot tell you how unprepared I am for this and my kid is only 3!! I am in trouble!
Aww…. I’ve heard other moms of boys say the same thing. With a girl, I don’t worry about it so much. Now her dad on the other hand…. 🙂
Yes!!! My husband wouldn’t take too kindly to our little lady with a crush. 🙂