We are just a few weeks into the “terrible twos” and let me tell you, friends, one of us isn’t going to make it to three. If I were you, I’d put my money on the little one.
I used to think the term “terrible two” was a gross exaggeration. Simply put, this was a term created by someone who liked alliteration and innocently wanted a funny phrase for the little ups and downs of their child’s second year of life. Come on, I already had a two year old, and we sailed through that year pretty much unscathed. Sure there were some rough patches, but all in all, two was a good year with my boy.
But those of us who mock, roll our eyes, and refuse to heed the warnings of other mothers will get a swift kick in the uterus from Mommy Karma, a testy and unforgiving biotch.
Some of the confusion may have been in the name “terrible twos.” Let me offer some more descriptive and effective terms for this stage of life. How about “Dear-God-why-is-she-screaming-again-I-think-the-windows-are-going-to-burst two. Or “Don’t-make-eye-contact-just-give-her-whatever-the-hell-she-wants-and-run two.” No? How about “If-my-husband-thinks-I-am-having-another-baby-anytime-soon-he-is-as-crazy-as-this-child-that –has-thrown-herself-on-the-floor-and-is-losing-her-shizz-right-now two”.
Every morning I hear the same little voice calling for me from her crib, “Mommy, where are you?” But I never know who I am going to get when I pop my head into her room. Sweet Mimi, sleepy Mimi, silly Mimi, grumpy Mimi, shepard for the devil Mimi. Even if you get one Mimi out of bed, there is no telling who she will be when you get downstairs. When her dad says good morning to her, any of the following can happen:
- She leaps into his arms and sings a song of job to entertain her dad
- She bursts into tears and yells that no one is allowed to look at her
- She screams for chocolate milk and throws the cup at you if it isn’t pink, doesn’t have enough chocolate, or if you looked at her when warned not to do so
- She quietly sits on the couch and watches TV
- All of the above in a five-minute span
I’m exhausted and the magic light that is the age of three is so far away. I’m assuming that when she wakes up on her third birthday (in 345 days) she will be normal again, right? RIGHT?
You never know when and where she will unleash the terrible. A few days ago while at the beach, Monkey was catching a few waves with his boogie board. Mimi marched down to the water and morphed into an out of control screaming banshee. She was in full on major meltdown and I tried everything in my mommy bag of tricks—snacks, drinks, toys, a million dollars—just please stop screaming. I tried to give her another boogie board– she didn’t want it. I traded with Monkey and tried to give her his board–she didn’t want it. Turns out, she didn’t want to “boogie”; she was mad that her brother was having fun, and she, apparently being a part of the fun police, needed to put a stop to his fun.
Is there a terrible two rehab facility? Somewhere where Dr. Drew sits down with two year olds and talks them through these trying times. Now that would make an interesting reality show. Maybe this is a two part therapy and the mommies attend some sort of spa to relieve our tension or receive a lobotomy, whichever is needed most. If this sort of place doesn’t exist, I am creating one today.
Who’s coming with me?
Sarah Bailey says
Oh no! I hope it doesn’t last all year for you – I don;t know how I would keep up! x
You and me both! Wanna babysit? 🙂
We sailed through 2 with both of our girls – but 3 was an interesting year for our oldest and 4 is turning out to be our youngest daughter’s year of terror :/
OMG I can totally relate! My two year old son is making me want to pull out my hair LOL….but I still adore him. He’s such a smart little kid! 🙂
Brittany @ The Domestic Geek says
We’re just getting into the sassy toddler-hood here, and I am soooo ready for it to be over!
I remember a lot of rough days when my daughter was two.
Sending you wishes for extra peace today.
I’m in!!!!!! Ella’s favorite word is NO, and when simply speaking it doesn’t do the trick, she screams it at the top of her lungs.
This just in: as I was typing this, she walked up to me with her pretend cash register and said, “Mummy, I need money for ‘dis.” And then cried when I made eye contact with her. So, that was fun.
Bella Vida Letty says
I just love that first photo. Made me smile.
I’m back: the cash register broke and I thought the child’s head was going to spin around and start spitting pea soup. Sigh.
Alaina Bullock says
LOL! I used to teach a room full of two year olds so I can completely relate….it will pass!
autumn eaton says
I am there now! My 28 month old is so sweet 1 minute and the next she is screaming, smacking cups (even full ones) off the table onto the floor, growling and much much more. I really hope this ends soon, drives me insane. My son was never like this so I guess I couldn’t get lucky twice. Good luck 🙂
Heather Myers says
This is not the woe of having a toddler…it is having a girl!!! You are describing every day of life in our house, it mever gets better! I like to refer to it as baby PMS, lol!!!
This is so true! The worst is when you have a play date with friends who are not yet parents… oh dear lord please let them see the happy and sweet versions of my 2 year olds because I can’t take the judgemental stares and I am pretty sure you just coined that my kids are horrible in your head because you have no idea what it is like and what is normal about a 2 year old. There is comfort in hearing other stories and that moms of 2 year olds are not alone!!! Mine just take turns throwing tantrums or laying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen. All. Day. Long.
Nicole Copeland says
My daughter did not come out of the tt’s until she was 3 1/2 and we still have our moments!!
Oh girl, I remember those years. It is so hard. And truth be told, it doesn’t matter the age to a certain degree. Some of them are just wired to be more over the top emotionally. Trust me, I know. My oldest – now 9.5- was a pain in my ass until he was 8. It’s just how he is. They are just more emotional and feel things really intensely. Is it hard to parent? Hell yeah. Is it a long phase? God yes. Will your husband sit in the driveway trying to muster up the energy to come in the house and see what state you and said child are in? Yes, for a long period of time some nights. Will you survive? Yes. The best advice I can give is this: it’s not you. It is in no way, shape or form YOU. It isn’t because of something you’ve done or haven’t done. These kids just feel it all intensely and need to share it loudly. So buy earplugs, set boundaries, plan on a lot of time outs and drink- a lot;) You’ll survive and you’ll even like her at the end of it.
But how could someone so cute be so terrible? I think she’s a doll. My son sailed through his twos as well. Here’s to hoping my twin daughters are just as easy…(maybe?)
Haha great idea for a show, though! Terrible 2 Rehab.
I haven’t had to deal with this yet.. not looking forward to it! Eek.
Aww, she is so cute on the photo! Don’t want to hear anything about therrible 2 😀 I have to deal with it in a year 😀
Let’s pretend this blog never happened 🙂 I will let you live in a blissful peace for a while 🙂
This describes my daughter so much so I have a feeling of relief. Every day I ask myself- is it possible she is bipolar or is this just terrible twos? God help us!
Oh no, my daughter is turning 2 in 5 months time. I’m so looking forward to it (NOT!).
Thanks for the warning!