Questionable Choices in Parenting

Laughing at life as a parent so they don't commit me

  • Home
  • About Me
  • Amanda on TLC’s #LifeHacks
  • TV Appearances
  • Life Hacks
  • Laughs
  • Family
  • Contact

Questionable Choices in Parenting: Professional Playground Inspector

August 20, 2013 by amushro 25 Comments

I’ve started a new career and wanted to share it with all of you. If you’re in need of my services, no need to fear, I’m cheap! Look, I even made up a new business card for myself. Check it out:

Business cards make you legit
Business cards make you legit

That’s right, folks, I’m adding drug interaction viagra is viagra a prescribed drug https://zacharyelementary.org/presentation/why-i-like-cars-essay/30/ college essays why do you want to go here buy viagra next day delivery levitra caledonia my best friend essay in english http://ww2.prescribewellness.com/onlinerx/cialis-20mg-posologie/30/ https://vabf.org/reading/to-do-my-homework-meaning-in-french/250/ essay exampples nuevas alternativas al viagra analytical thesis statement examples https://www.cei.utah.edu/wp-content/blogs.dir/15/files/2013/?speech=chapter-2-thesis-about-stress follow link go to link safe to use viagra outline samples for research papers http://go.culinaryinstitute.edu/what-do-i-write-in-my-college-essay/ essay about hip hop culture https://homemods.org/usc/compare-and-contrast-essay-introduction/46/ frauen viagra erfahrung thesis introduction and background here how to write an essay for university application essay on men and women viagra forum https://nebraskaortho.com/docmed/trial-generic-viagra/73/ how to use a footnote in an essay presentation cover design prednisone drug interactions cialis new chapel hill case studies in business and management Professional Playground Inspector to my resume of Mamma, Diet Coke addict, human tissue, yoga pants enthusiast, and blogger.

Since we spend a vast majority of our time frequenting the local playgrounds, I have acquired the ability to access any playground and tell you in 30 seconds which devices will lead to a trip to the ER, magic mommy kisses, or Mamma wanting to add wine to her water bottle.

Now don’t you fret, I’m not one of those panicked moms that follows her kids around the playground wringing her hands and yelling things like “Not too high, sweetie” and “Be safe!!! Mommy LOVES YOU!”  

My kids are the ones that hit the mulch running when they are faced with a tot lot, but I’ve learned a few things while building my Playground Inspector career; after all, I have a four-year old with a Superman complex (for real, he tries to fly) and an Evil Knievel wanna-be two-year old.

Here are the top three offenders:

Bridge of Death

While The Bridge of Death may seem harmless, don’t let its gentle downward slope fool you. Both of my kids have face planted on this bridge when they’ve run too fast or tried to get around another playgrounder. If you are out early in the morning and the fresh dew is still sparkling on the equipment, be prepared to have that hole pattern etched into your precious one’s face.

The Tunnel of Terror

The Tunnel of Terror may seem like the typical slide, but be warned that it’s so much more. This slide has the ability to gain so much momentum and speed that your child will come flying down the tube faster than a greased pig racing downhill. So get into your catcher’s stance and be prepared to lasso your rocketed child at the bottom.

The drop of doom

The Drop of Doom has claimed many victims. Sometimes it’s the ones with short legs, but also the ones with short attention spans. “Let’s climb to the top and….oh wait, is that a shiny rock…”  Tricky, tricky, tricky.

Now it’s time for you to lace up those sneakers (or attach the velcro on your kid’s shoes), pack some Goldfish crackers and water bottles, and have fun at the playground. Just proceed with caution and remember my warnings, friends. Remember, I am a professional.

Now it’s your turn! Is there a part of the playground you steer your kids from?

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Amanda Mushro, playground inspector. humor, playtime, Questionable Choices in Parenting, slides, tunnel of terror

Comments

  1. Jennifer Pierce says

    August 20, 2013 at 8:09 am

    LOL hilarious..the tunnel of terror also will cause massive slide burns..ask my 2yr olds face who doesn’t always come down feet first 🙂

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:56 pm

      Ouch!!! That is the WORST!!!

      Reply
  2. Kristin says

    August 20, 2013 at 8:38 am

    I can’t tell you how many times my kids have slid down the slide so fast, they landed on the ground, hurting their bum. Pretty much freaked them out! lol Great post! 🙂

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:56 pm

      Thanks! The most we can hope for is to catch them and that they don’t come down face first!!

      Reply
  3. Paula -Growing Up Bilingual says

    August 20, 2013 at 8:41 am

    LOL! I hear ya. We hate balance beam or the stepping stones. My kids have no balance and they will land face first on them, the perfect recipe for a broken nose or broken lip at least. Who ever had the bright idea of a metal balance beam on a playground? Really? Are they paying for the ER visit?

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:55 pm

      Ha! How could I forget the balance beams and stepping stones. One park as vibrating stepping stones. Why you ask??? No clue! Clearly someone without kids made these gems.

      Reply
  4. Jessica says

    August 20, 2013 at 8:59 am

    The Bridge of Death! I’m thinking of my own neighborhood park right now!! Glad to hear I’m not the only mom afraid of the playground:)

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:54 pm

      Wanna join my team? 🙂

      Reply
  5. Debra says

    August 20, 2013 at 9:11 am

    I hate the Bridge of Death. When my daughter was 2 she ran across one of those and fell off under the chain railing, I thought she cracked her head open. I’m also not a fan of the Wheel of Death — merry go rounds for the fact that I flew off one when I was a kid!

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:52 pm

      Dam that Bridge of Death!! It’s the worst! Oh!! How could I forget the merry go round? You are just asking to have half your face ripped off on those!

      Reply
  6. Allyson Bossie says

    August 20, 2013 at 9:19 am

    Oh dear God, I hate the playground. Yet we go all the time. All those boogies on everything, screaming kids (okay, so those were mine, but who’s keeping track), and it’s hot. The Tunnel Of Terror is my personal favorite, because it always comes complete with a jolt of electricity surging through my body that’s enough to power my phone

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:51 pm

      Bahahahahaha! I LOL and spit my Diet Coke when I read your comment. You just made my day, lady!

      Reply
  7. whencrazymeetsexhaustion says

    August 20, 2013 at 10:23 am

    Omg–these are hilarious!!! The pictures really make the whole post! Oh, and your hat 😉

    I basically just keep my kids away from the other playgrounders whose parents are too busy being negligent Nancy’s with their noses in their Blackberries. In my experience, those poor kiddos want attention that they’re not getting and so they willingly drop elbows on smaller kids. Like my kids. And Mama don’t play that.

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:50 pm

      I wear hats, I’m fancy 🙂

      I hear you! I have NO patience for mean kids on the playground!

      Reply
  8. Missy Homemaker says

    August 20, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Or how about the Ring Of Fire? The slide that has the ability to reach a soaring 1000° F in the sun and sear the legs of any child who braves it.

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      Ahhhh!!!!! How could I forget the Ring of Fire! It makes me think of the metal slides from when we were kids. OUCH!!!

      Reply
  9. Mel Cole says

    August 21, 2013 at 1:05 am

    That drop of doom is pretty much in every play ground. I always stay close with my kids as they are still too young.

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      Yes!! I am sure when they are older it will be something else!

      Reply
  10. Liz says

    August 21, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    LOL. For me I just have trouble keeping my three-year-old in the actual playground. She likes to run off to discover treasures in the field next to the park, if you consider treasure to be things like broken glass, dog poop, and cigarette butts. Her second favorite spot: the public men’s room. As playground inspector, can you pull some strings to build a fence around my park?

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      Yes, yes I can. I need fences and gates for all playgrounds. I too have a runner, so I feel your pain 🙂

      Reply
  11. Norine of Science of Parenthood says

    August 22, 2013 at 10:36 am

    The Tunnel of Terror is even more fun when the kiddos want to climb up the OUTSIDE of the tube!

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:47 pm

      Oh no! I didn’t even think of that!!!

      Reply
  12. Meredith says

    August 22, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    You are so funny! The drop of doom! YES! How many bumps on the head have we suffered?? Bad, bad news…thanks for doing your part to inspect and report!

    Reply
    • amushro says

      August 22, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      Well, you know, I take my job very seriously 🙂

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Tips for Tuesday! Paci Addiction says:
    September 3, 2013 at 6:03 am

    […] in Parenting and read her stuff, it’ll have you laughing your ass off!  My favorite… The Professional Playground Inspector where she bitches about The Bridge of Death, The Tunnel of Terror, and The Drop of Doom. I loathe […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Connect

Featured On

Fan Favorites

  • 10 Ways To Know You Aren't Done Having Kids
    10 Ways To Know You Aren't Done Having Kids
  • Why do my kids only get sick on vacation?
    Why do my kids only get sick on vacation?
  • Mom Tested: Commercials That Will Make You Ugly Cry
    Mom Tested: Commercials That Will Make You Ugly Cry
  • Eating ALL THE FOOD and getting a little heartburn help from Pepcid Complete
    Eating ALL THE FOOD and getting a little heartburn help from Pepcid Complete
  • Making Birthday Mornings Super Special
    Making Birthday Mornings Super Special
  • Naming a Baby Should NOT Be This Stressful
    Naming a Baby Should NOT Be This Stressful
  • Terrible Twos are No Big Deal and Other Lies I Tell Myself
    Terrible Twos are No Big Deal and Other Lies I Tell Myself
  • Adorable and Easy Valentine Robot Snacks for Kids
    Adorable and Easy Valentine Robot Snacks for Kids
  • 8 easy and fun homemade Father's Day gifts Dad will love-- My Today Show Post
    8 easy and fun homemade Father's Day gifts Dad will love-- My Today Show Post
  • Confessions of a Mommy & Her Tramp Stamp
    Confessions of a Mommy & Her Tramp Stamp

Subscribe by Email

Enter your email to subscribe to this blog.

Like Me on Facebook!

Like Me on Facebook!

Follow Me on Instagram

Instagram

Buy My Books on Amazon

Questionable Choices Archives

Copyright © 2021 · Lifestyle Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in