What does a toenail, a car battery, and an expensive vet bill all have in common? Well, friends, that’s exactly what my husband got for the celebration of his birth this year.
Before we had kids, birthdays were a really big deal for the two of us. Now our birthdays are celebrated in between hockey and dance classes with a crappy cake from the grocery store. But this year would be different, I was going to plan a fabulous birthday dinner for my husband (read: get a babysitter and make reservations). But we know what happens to our best laid plans…
Five minutes before our babysitter was set to show up for my husband’s big birthday date night, I giggled that I was signing his birthday card with a broken crayon and was really feeling guilty that I couldn’t come up with a good gift for him. Eh, at least I had reservations to a fancy new restaurant and would make out with him after dinner. That would totally make up for my crayon scribbled card and lack of an inventive gift, right?
Just as I put the last xo on his card, I heard the running footsteps and the panicked cries of my son, “Mommy, come quick. Suggie is hurt!”
Racing downstairs, I ran every scenario over in my head. Maybe our old dog got into a fight with that creep poodle across the street, or maybe that Yorkie from three houses down finally got revenge for all the time Suggie pees in his yard. When I hit the bottom steps I found what can only be described as a horror movie: blood up and down the staircase. It could’ve been a scene from The Walking Dead (minus the zombies and Daryl)
Her toenails had gotten too long and when she was running up the stairs, one got caught in the carpet and………. *shivers*
You would think after having two kids and several undesirable situations with bodily fluids I could handle this from my dog, but then you would be totally wrong because I was feeling woozy and was going down for the count. My husband had an injured dog in his arms, was blocking kids from the bloody mess with his body, and used his foot to prop me up from sliding down the stairs. And they say men don’t multi-task.
Aaron carried a towel wrapped Suggie out to his car and I ran after them clutching tissues and credit cards knowing both would be put to good use at the after hours emergency vet. But I stalled when I opened the door to Aaron’s car.
There wasn’t a single goldfish cracker anywhere. How could anything we own not contain at least one goldfish cracker? At this point, I just assumed the kids shed the fish like skin.
“Babe!” Aaron barked from the back, “Let’s go!”
When I turned the key, the car sputtered and faltered.
I tried again. Sputter, sputter, sputter, silence.
The battery is dead. The battery in the freaking car is dead. Of course it is.
New plan: get into my car, spend a small fortune at the emergency vet, call AAA, spend another small fortune, drink LOTS of wine when we return home.
We handed over a sad injured dog and the emergency vet returned our gal to us looking like this:
I’ve heard that after a while dogs and their owners start to look alike. Here is Suggie all hopped up on pain meds. Oddly enough, this is exactly what I look like after drinking a bottle of wine!
While waiting for the AAA guy to install a new battery in the middle of the night, I helped myself to the wine I planned on sharing with Aaron. Because nothing says “I love you, birthday boy!” like your wife lulled to sleep on the couch after inhaling a half a bottle of pino grigo.
So this birthday celebration was an epic fail, but Suggie is on the mend, I’ve promised Aaron a do-over birthday, and to think, I was worried I wouldn’t have a gift for him. However, there are no returns on the black toe nail and car battery.
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
Oh man, what a crappy way to spend his birthday. Things happen, though, and glad Suggie is better 🙂
Please visit my blog today, read what I wrote about, and look at the first picture. This is getting really creepy, woman!!!!!!! xo
Happy belated to Aaron and hugs to Suggie!
OMG! I swear I have never used that feature on Pic Monkey before. I am DYING!!! I’ve had this post in draft since September and decided to finally get it up today. It must be a sign!! LOL Happy birthday to Zach! LOL!
Catherine S says
I am glad Suggie is okay. I have finally stopped planning things. It seems like something always happens when I plan.
Oh no, what a birthday! I’m glad Suggie is doing better now.
Debbie Denny says
So sorry the Birthday got messed up. Glad the dog is better/.
You have a remarkable way of making a truly terrible day very enjoyable to read. I’m glad your varmint is feeling better!
we have all had moments like this. Sorry you had a rough day. Glad to see things are better after a few glasses of wine.
Oh goodness what a birthday! Glad the dog is better this happened to one of ours too a few years back! No fun!
Liz Mays says
This one will go down in history. There’s no question about that!
What a day! Well, it will definitely be one he won’t forget.
Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly says
The one thing he can say? That his birthday was MEMORABLE that’s for sure! Happy Birthday! 😉
Aww. 🙁 I’m glad your husband was there when you needed that help! Bodily fluids/blood from anyone but the kids makes me woozy too.
What a truly awful time. I am sure your husband doesn’t mind but it is great that will try a do-over in the future!
Aw your poor husband but he sounds like he is a trooper! I know you are gonna make it up to him share the story of Pt.2 The Most Epic Husband Bday Re-do Dinner Ever!
Although that sounds like a bad birthday, I’m glad your doggie is okay! Hopefully next year will go more as planned.
What a night! At least you can have a do over!
What a horrible experience for the whole family! Glad everyone is ok now. Definite redo!
Chrystal @ YUM eating says
At least he’ll have a birthday he’ll always remember. Someday you will have a giggle over it. Poor Suggie though. Makes me sad. My girl recently had a problem similar and the toe bed got infected and ended up having to remove her whole toe. Now she just has 3 on her front paw. Looks so silly.
Kenda Smith says
It never fails – we make plans and then life says “Um…I have a different idea!” If it’s not the kids it’s the pets lol So glad Suggie is okay!
Debbie L. says
Poor Suggie……… Kingers pulled his nail out of the nail bed…OUCH! We had to have the vet remove the nail completely. There is always next birthday
Ann Bacciaglia says
Wow what a day you had. I am glad your puppy is okay now. It should be a birthday you will always remember.
Amy Desrosiers says
I swear, I always seem to fight with my husband on our birthdays. Not sure if its the stress or what?
that’s no fun spending your birthday like that 🙁 That was really quite a day
Those are the birthdays we remember the most. Lol glad turned out ok.
Candy O. says
Aww what a night! Happy belated bday to your hubbs.
Tiffany (A Mom's Take) says
I like the bit about signing his card with a broken crayon. Sounds about right. Your poor husband, at least he will always remember his birthday this year. Things could have been way worse. It’s good to know y’all can look back and laugh.
The joys of adulthood. Been there, done that. Glad you are laughing about it.
OH my goodness! What an eventful night. I am so glad that Suggie is ok!
Oh my gosh, that whole evening sounded like it was overruled by Murphy’s Law! Hopefully you can have a do-over that isn’t bloody or filled with car troubles.
Jessica (Savory Experiments) says
Poor hubby! Suggie and his poor little paw and med induced stupor are adorably pathetic. It’s a good thing when you can look back and laugh at yourself even though none of the events seemed laughable that day.