This weekend I had the opportunity to wine and dine with the super hilarious and sweet Jill Smokler, aka Scary Mommy. Since I already had a bloggy crush on her before, my crush has exploded 100% after this weekend. I may become a Scary Mommy groupie. Today I am reposting the piece she featured on her site when I was a brand new blogger in February. Not only is this my favorite piece, but Jason Priestly even retweeted this post on Twitter. So one post on Scary Mommy and a retweet from Brandon Walsh—-drops mic and walks off stage.
If you are a Beverly Hills 90210 fan, here are the very important life lessons you probably learned from hours of watching the best show ever!
I have been highlighting my hair since I was in seventh grade. I really couldn’t even tell you what my real hair color should be. Here is my best guess: If you head out to your local drug store and walk down the aisle with boxes of hair color, take a look at “Blahhh” or “Meh” that would be the best description of my natural color.
Since I have been cursed with such lackluster hair, I have been forced to shell out big money every few months to make sure I remain a bouncy blonde and not some crazy lady pretending that her six inches of dark roots is her attempt at ombre.
A young gal was highlighting my hair this week and she was over sharing stories of her “bad boy” and “womanizing” boyfriend. I patiently listened to her story, nodded periodically, and even gave the shocked “No!” every so often. When she finished the sordid details of her love life, I decided to pass down some sage wisdom from a slightly older, wiser, been-there-done-that-lady. Here is what I told her:
“Honey, you date the Dylan, but you marry the Brandon.”
I knew I was in trouble when she got this dumfounded look that screamed “What the hell are you talking about?” Then I got the “Who?”
Dylan McKay and Brandon Walsh? 90210? The real 90210. Only one of the greatest shows ever! Really? No idea who I am talking about?
First, I felt old. Then, I felt sad for the wayward young girl that didn’t have 90210 during her formative years to guide her along her journey to maturity. Then, I got to thinking about my own Monkey and Mimi and all of the conversations I will have with them in the future and I shudder at the thought. What if I just lock the kids in a room and force them to watch all ten seasons of my favorite show? When they are done, they can come out and we can discuss what they have learned. I am confident all of those difficult conversations will be addressed in each hour of 90210, and I will simply just need to reiterate some of the most important…
2. Don’t wear the same dress to the spring formal as your best friend, don’t date the edgy new girl that takes drugs, don’t dress slutty at Halloween parties, don’t date the broken hottie that has mommy issues, and don’t lose your virginity at the spring formal you wore the same dress as your friend — for reasons other than you are wearing the same dress as your BFF — Didn’t you learn anything from Brenda’s pregnancy scare?
3. Just because your friends have bigger houses, amazing clothes, a bitchin car, tons of money, and the super, cool, fun mom that is sometimes in and out of rehab, the grass is not always greener and your friends probably wish they had a snarky, sarcastic Mom like yours that can make a mean pepperoni roll. Boom!
4. Drugs are bad. So are diet pills, cults, gambling, plagiarizing your college papers, cheating on your girlfriend with her BFF, cheating on your boyfriend with his BFF, cheating on your girlfriend with a lame music executive —OK, let’s just generalize that with cheating — it’s bad – all bad.
6. Violence against a woman is never OK, and if some guy pushes you down the stairs, he does not love you. While I do not condone violence, I would kick a guy’s ass if he ever laid a finger on my Mimi.
7. When faced with two options and neither feels right, always choose yourself. While she made lots of bad choices during the course of the show, Kelly got this one right—“I choose me!”
So there you go, seven very important lessons that cover all things I need my children to know as they grow up to be functioning members of society. Trust me, I dated the Dylans but married the Brandon. Man, this child rearing is easy!