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My Questionable Attachment to My Kids Clothes

April 17, 2013 by amushro

I had one job. One little job, and I couldn’t do it. Given the task by Hubby, all I needed to do was take the bins full of the clothes the kids have outgrown and move them to Space Bags. I left Hubby in charge of the kids and headed upstairs to start packing; however, a few minutes into digging in those bins and this is how he found me……

No I am not napping, although I had my perfect excuse to sneak away and nap. No, friends, no resting over here. This is me weeping into their baby clothes.

My entire life I’ve been looking two steps ahead for the next big thing to plan and get ready for. Take the slave-driver that put me in this awful clothes-induced mess. Once I knew he was “the one,” I was sending him engagement rings pictures signed from the dog (hilarious). Once I got the ring, it was non-stop wedding planning. You have no idea how happy I am that the time sucking vortex Pinterest did not exist back then. I may not have made it out of wedding planning with a husband to wed. No time for the honeymoon phase here, once the wedding was over, I was in full on baby making mode. But when those sweet babes arrived and introduced me to sleepless nights and stretch marks, I wanted to slam on the brakes, stop time, and enjoy their little lives without rushing through.

Am I being a bit over dramatic, perhaps. Am I too emotional, yup. Have I become an emotions tramp just giving out my affections to everyone? Just give me a “hello my name is…” sticker.

Hubby was being completely unrealistic and tried to pry the clothes out of my hands. After he suggested we just get rid of everything for the tenth time, I decided to let go of the vice gripe I had on his man parts when he saw the error of his ways and simply walked away from the crazy lady. He forced me to finish the job, but not before I pulled out a few of my favs to stash them away.

I love this coat. I love everything about this orange, puffy jacket that Monkey wore when he was one. I rescued it from the piles of clothes because I can’t bear to put it back in the attic. I have plans for this little coat, you see. When he leaves me for college, I will wrap this coat around a pillow and cry myself to sleep in this coat. You may think this is a bit much, but I think it is a sign of a good mom when you can admit this sort of ~~obsession~~ ~~unhealthy attachment~~ love.

When I made my way over to the bins that were overflowing with pink, ruffles and tutus, I knew there was one gem I needed to find. One of the first things I bought when I found out I washaving a girl was this itsy, bitsy bikini. Mimi wore it on her first few trips to the beach. Here she is at only three weeks old napping and rocking that bikini.

I just want to squeeze that tiny newborn and sniff her sweet head. Her second birthday is coming up fast (sniff…sniff), and I want to slow down this little lady from getting too big too fast. I love this bikini and I love this picture. When she is a teenager and says awful, terrible things to me and rolls her eyes 937 times a day, I will snuggle this bikini and remember the sweet babe that adored me and refused to be held by anyone else….then I will drink…heavily because I don’t think I can handle a teenage daughter. A revealing bikini on a newborn is adorable and makes me teary to see. However, a too revealing bikini on a teenage Mimi will send me into a fit and I will be forced to drag her sweet ass off the beach by her ponytail.

Now it’s your turn! Tell me what you have kept of your kids that makes you an emotions tramp.

Don’t forget to enter in my giveaways! I have two going on right now!

The first is a Family Photography Session from Rosic Photography

a Rafflecopter giveaway and the second is for a signed copy of Scary Mommy, Jill Smokler’s new book!

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Guest Blogger and a Scary Mommy Giveaway!

April 13, 2013 by amushro

Oh, hello! I should probably have a huge “Under Construction” sign hanging on this site because it is a bit of a mess. But no need to worry, friends! In a few weeks the whole blog will have a new and fabulous look! Until then, don’t judge the mess and I won’t judge those dirty dishes in your sink, deal?

Since we are moving in a few weeks, I have broken down and started the dreaded task of packing. We still haven’t found a new house (anyone got room in their basement…no really, anyone?), but I am already up to my eyeballs with packing boxes, bubble wrap, and lots of great memories of this home. Let’s just say, Mamma likes her wine this week. When I hit a bit of a rough patch, I knew my BBB (Best Blogger Buddy) Stephanie from When Crazy Meets Exhaustion would understand and talk me off my ledge. Today she is sharing a bit of her crazy and joining me for a great giveaway!

When Crazy Meets Exhaustion

When I received a text message pic of Amanda sobbing into a bin of her kids’ baby clothes, I didn’t judge. I wasn’t all, “Damn, girl, get a hold of yourself.” Instead I was all, “WAAAAAA!” right along with her. Why? Because we crazy. And chances are, if you have little ones of your own, you are, too. And when Amanda asked me to share my nutjob insanity emotional attachment to some kid-related thangs, I actually had a hard time choosing just one. Below is a list of the things my kids do that leave me with tear stained cheeks, and with them frightened to come near me for a half hour or so:

Channeling Elmo: My daughter is turning two in less than a month (I know, right?!) and I fear that she will soon forgo referring to herself in the third person. I friggin’ love hearing “Ella help;” “Ella do,” “Ella like” coming from her sweet mouth.

Speech impediments: Piggybacking off of the grammatically incorrect ways of Elmo, I can’t get enough of my kids’ mispronunciations of words and phrases. Oh, the joy! My 3.5 year-old son says “un-cumfit-bul” when he’s trying to say “uncomfortable” and it makes my heart so happy. My nosy gal is always saying, “Mommy doo-nin?” (Mommy, what are you doing?) or “Pick up me!” when she wants to be held. The day they lose these impediments, I will die a little inside.

Mastery: Mastery of feeding themselves, coloring in the lines, opening the refrigerator to get me a cold beer their milk cups—it’s just too much! Full disclosure for parents who are currently potty training their kiddos: in theory, we want them to tinkle and poo in the toilet. However, the day they are self-reliant enough to do so, you will feel a twinge of sadness because that is one more way they don’t need you. (It’ll be okay, I promise. I’m hugging you now, do you feel it?)

Affection: It won’t be long. No, friends, the day is drawing ever closer. The day when the boy won’t hug me in public; the day the girl stops throwing herself into my arms either forgetting or despite the fact that she’s mad at me for saying No. Hugs and kisses on the lips will be replaced with ruffles of the hair and macho fist-bumps. My tears will be replaced with vodka, but that’s a post for another day.

I can’t be the only one, right? I mean, if Amanda is boo-hooing into clothes, and I’m all kinds of crazy over speech impediments, there must be more of us, yes? So, tell me, Mamas and Papas, what bit of adorableness makes you cuckoo for your kiddos?

This week our favorite blogger Jill Smokler, the hilarious lady behind ScaryMommy.com, published her second book Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies). Jill’s writing is so funny and so honest, we know you will laugh out loud just like we did. So we are teaming up to give four of our readers copies of the new book signed by Jill! Fancy, right? So click the link and enter for your chance to win!

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Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)

Questionable Choices in Parenting Pictures

April 11, 2013 by amushro

Questionable Choices in Parenting day………………….ehhh, who the hell knows. My newest submission is this photograph. Here’s a quick game, let’s see how many things you can spot in this picture that are off just a tad and make you question my parenting skills.

Where oh where should we start? Well, for one, this is my kid playing outside in her pajamas. Yes, I let my kid walk around the neighborhood in her jammies. At least she has shoes on and the jammies match. I call this a success.

Did you notice that she is wearing Santa jammies? Yup, too small Santa jammies, I might add. They were snug a few weeks ago, but here we are, in April, still sporting our December jammies.

And the crème de la crème, the bees knees, the cat’s (or Santa in this case) pajamas, the cutest little carpenter crack I have ever seen. Those too small jammies and her super heavy diaper that needed changed before she strutted through the neighborhood are weighing her down and exposing her assets.

I know photographers like to share their secrets and equipment. Well I used my fancy iPhone camera and snapped this pic while I lie on my back and let Monkey chalk an outline of my exhausted body. It would seem my need to take a nap and camera phone would put me at the perfect angle to catch this chalking crack.

Hmmmm… Maybe this baby butt crack just inspired a new section for my blog. Pictures of my Questionable Choices in Parenting not pictures of coin slots. Gross

Listen, I don’t know the first thing about photography, but I know a talented gal that does!

For my readers in Uniontown, PA and Morgantown, WV! The super talent Melissa Rosic is generously giving one lucky reader a Family Portrait session!

Enter to win a Family Portrait Session from Rosic Photography! The session will include one 60 min session and 10 image file downloads with print release! Session must be held during the month of June in the Uniontown or Morgantown Area. Regular Family Portrait Sessions details apply and can be found on her website.www.mrosicphotography.wix.com/lifestyle

Click the link below to enter! Lots of chances to enter! Share this with your friends!

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Silent Nights? Singing My Kids to Sleep Make Me Ugly Cry

April 8, 2013 by amushro

When I’m driving in my car and singing along with the radio, I’m often shocked at how I am note for note and tune for tune with the singing ability of Adele. I mean really, my singing is amazing. Sometimes I wonder why someone hasn’t just thrown a Grammy at me.

OK, I just snorted from laughing so hard. That may be the biggest lie I have ever told; I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Apparently when they were handing out talented vocal cords, I was standing in the sarcasm line.

Never one to be deterred from a lack of talent, I belt out tunes all day long, much to the chagrin of my kids. Mimi usually tells me “Shhhhhh, no,” but the older and more verbal kid says “Mommy, stop. Your singing hurts my ears.” My bad singing isn’t what embarrasses me (although it should), it’s the fact that I am so crazy I can’t sing them to sleep without crying.

I am probably traumatizing the kids and will need to pay for their sleep therapy bills someday because I have special songs I sing to each kid, and I can’t get through the first verse without weeping. Even if the kids have been really bad, my nerves are shot, and I am moments away from selling them on Craigslist, the minute I start singing “their” songs—it’s a waterfall and I am weeping uncontrollably. Should I just pick different songs to sing to them? Probably, but, like I said, I am crazy.

I even create little scenarios in my head when I sing to them. Sometimes I imagine dancing with my grown children cheek to cheek at their weddings. Of course there are details like I am looking gorgeous in my dress, my kids have never been happier, and the crowd keeps remarking I look the same as on my wedding day and that having such an amazing waistline at my age should be a crime.

If you’re crazy and you know it, clap your hands!

For your listening pleasure, here are some slow jams—or the songs I sing to my kids. For Monkey, Bruno Mars’ Count on Me–please note, I burst into tears while searching for it on YouTube.

And for Mimi it’s my singing soul mate Adele’s Make You Feel My Love. It’s too much for me. I am going to start the ugly cry.

Great songs, right? Did you cry when you were listening to them? Don’t lie, you did.

Just when I was coming to terms with my nighttime crying spells, I caught someone else in this house getting emotional when signing a few tunes to the kids. It would seem that Hubby has my kind of crazy.

From the minute Monkey was born, Hubby has sung John Denver’s Country Roads to him. Since we are both WVU grads, that song is a rite of passage and probably one of the few songs (besides some Pearl Jam crap) that he knows all of the words to. Sometimes I think Hubby is imagining taking Monkey to his first WVU football game, showing him around campus, wiping a tear when he passes the old frat house, and puffing up his chest when he points out the hot spots where he picked up chicks (gross). Every night when you ask Monkey what he wants to sing, it is always Country Roads, and I die a little when I hear that little boy sing “Almost Heaven…..”

When Hubby dances and sings with Mimi to The Lumineers “Ho Hey,” his eyes get all glassy as he sways his little lady back and forth. She squeals when he sings (why don’t I get that reaction?). I’m pretty sure the line “I don’t think you’re right for him” is his secret prayer that Mimi will always think he is the most wonderful man in the world and never, ever leave him.

Maybe he is just singing to his kids, but I like to think his delusions and crazy run deep like mine. After all, I shouldn’t be the only one to screw up these kids, right?

Share the songs you sing with your kids and we can cry together!

I also have a giveaway for my readers in Uniontown, PA and Morgantown, WV! The super talent Melissa Rosic is generously giving one lucky reader a Family Portrait session!

Click the link below to enter! Lots of chances to enter! Share this with your friends!

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Time Out During Timeouts

February 27, 2013 by amushro

This is Mimi:

And this is Mimi in timeout:

At the ripe old age of twenty months, we have decided that if this rule breaker is old enough to swim in the dog’s water fourteen times after being told to knock it off and if she continues to go all Picasso on the walls with crayons, she is old enough for timeout.

As you can see from the picture, timeouts are a bit trying….for all of us. However, I will continue to put her cute butt in timeout when she misbehaves and throws epic temper tantrums. In order to pass the time while she is being defiant and living up to her name of Screaming Mimi, I will not contemplate selling her on Craigslist. No friends, I will think about the future.

If this was a movie, the screen would get all blurry and wavy so that you know we are jumping to the future.

I imagine Mimi and I strolling through The American Girl store while laughing and holding hands as we select overpriced doll accessories that she MUST have.

Now she is headed off to her first day of kindergarten and I am weeping into a hankie (must remember to purchase a hankie for that day). She turns before she steps on the bus, her pigtails swinging in the sun, and says “Don’t worry Mommy, I love you and will be home soon.”

Jump ahead a few more years and we are dress shopping for her prom. Notice how she picks out a totally age appropriate dress. Isn’t she lovely?

Oh look, we are planning her wedding to the man of her dreams. That sweet girl let’s her mother go crazy and choose the flowers and the meal because, after all, mother knows best and her mother-in-law pales in comparison.

Oh yes, Mimi has a family of her own. She looks tired and weary. It looks like she is ready to cry, but she stops herself and calls me to say, “Wow Mom! I just don’t know how you did it. You were the most amazing mother ever.”

Now jump years and years into the future and my sweet girl is taking her dear old Mom to Atlantic City. See how she carefully pushes my wheelchair up to the slot machines. What a good girl!

What is this? Oh that sweet girl is taking care of her mom in a nursing home by following her mother’s step-by-step instructions of making sure I always have a fresh manicure, my upper lip is always waxed, and she plucks those few errand hairs on my chin. That darling Mimi knows her brother would never do these things and we shook hands years ago that she would keep me looking good.

Aaaaand the temper tantrum is over! Breathe in and out. We have survived yet another timeout episode and we are all better for it. That nice flash into the future should help us get through the day or last until the next time out.

Be sure to enter the custom tutu and Easter headband from the amazing Lindsay from Pretty in Pink Designs! Click the link below!
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When Finding Mommy Friends Feels Like Dating

February 4, 2013 by amushro

Yesterday Hubby and I were discussing reasons he can never kill over on me. Of course the obvi: we would all be heartbroken, the kids would miss out on knowing their amazing dad, and who would laugh at my inappropriate jokes? More importantly, I am horrible at dating! Granted, I haven’t had to hit up the actual dating scene in a million years; however, after having Monkey, I was searching for some Mom friends and felt like I was on one bad date after another.

Right around the time that I found out I was pregnant with Monkey there was a mini-baby-boom with my pals. We all delivered within a few months of each other and Boom!– instant Mommy friends. I like to equate this to college dating where life is easy and all you need to do is show up (usually at a bar late night), but in the Mommy friend scene, you meet at Starbucks. We were instantly in that joyous “honeymoon” stage

During those early “honeymoon” days we met our friends every chance we got for leisurely lunches, powerwalks with our strollers through the mall, and quick stops at Gap Kids to peruse the sale racks. Life was good.

Then there was the breakup; everyone’s maternity leave ended. They went back to work and left Monkey and I dateless and lonely.

I sort of went through a mourning period after the breakup where we didn’t go out much, and if we did, it was to the same spots we used to frequent on our dates–denial. I would send a few desperate texts asking my friends to come back because we were so good together and they would never find anyone as great as us. After a few weeks of this nonsense, it was clear we needed to get back out there and start dating make new friends.

If you are hitting the dating scene, you frequent the trendiest clubs and restaurants. If you are searching for playdates, the dating scene is Mommy and Me classes: Mommy and Me gym class, yoga class, swim class, art class, these classes are breaking the bank class. So there we were, putting ourselves out there hoping to catch someone’s eye.

It was pretty easy to figure out who was “our type” and who we needed to stay far, far away from: the Starbucks drinking mom who was ignoring their aggressive kid shoving the other kids off the slide or the super needy mom that over-shares about her leaky boobs, hemorrhoids, and failing marriage within five minutes of meeting her–no thanks, not interested

If you were having a great conversation with someone, you would get nervous for the end of the class (much like last call at the bar). Here was your chance! Should you ask for their number? Wait for them to ask for yours? Hope they show up again next week? Ahhh the pressure! If you do get their number, you walk away and over analyze everything. Did she really like me? When should I call? I wonder if she noticed the baby barf down my back?

Here is the thing about finding new Mommy friends, you and your kiddo have to be compatible with the mom AND her kid—double dating. You may meet a nice enough mom, but if her kid is a creep, it’s never going to work. Walk away, just walk away now.

Sometimes we would go on playdates that started out promising and ended up disastrous. If we were on a real date, we would have said we were going to the bathroom and jet out the door when no one was looking. Like the time we had a playdate with the lady who was wasted on the playground. Maybe she was nervous. I mean, I like my cocktails, but you know, it’s a little awkward when she is the one climbing on monkey bars at 10 AM. I faked a diaper blowout and high tailed it from the Boozy mom.

Sometimes you end up in a bad relationship just because you want to “date” someone. I befriended one mom that I had nothing in common with other than we had kids. She was whiny, bragged about all of the money her husband made, and her daughter cried a lot, but I smiled and tried to make it work because I was so freaking lonely. Finally I knew it was over and I ended it in the most mature way— I stopped returning her calls and texts. We had to change the days of some of our classes to avoid her and we gave up custody of a few playgrounds, but in the end the clean break was best.

Dating is hard when you are looking for a love match. Dating to find Mommy friends is even harder. But just like being lucky in love, being lucky with friends makes this life as a Mommy easier, better, and a whole lot more fun.

The super hilarious blogger Cloudy With a Chance of Wine wrote about how to make mom friends. Be careful because I know how some of my readers pee themselves when they laugh too hard. You will find her step by step guide very helpful:How to Make Mom Friends

How To Make Mom Friends 300x300 How to make mom friends

Remember, you still have a chance to win the georgous Stella and Dot “Courage” bracelet. It will give you somthing shiny to wear on your dates!a Rafflecopter giveaway

Mammas Just Wanna Have Fun

January 28, 2013 by amushro

It seems like the entire country is gearing up for Super Bowl Sunday by making cocktail weenies and football shaped cheese balls. Well good for you because this lady could care less about the game for two reasons:

I am originally from Pittsburgh, so for me, football season has been over for quite some time. Bitter much you say? You betcha!
This weekend is my annual Girls Weekend Away! Cue the music and confetti!!

That’s right folks, this weekend this lady and five of my favorite Mommy gal pals are ditching our kids with our Baby Daddies and hitting the road. Between the six of us, we have 13 kids and we are letting our husbands fend for themselves. Well actually, my in-laws will come swooping over when I am out of town to make sure the kids don’t go all Lord of the Flies on my husband.

Now I know what you are thinking, this trip is going to be a bar hopping, booze filled, Girls Gone Wild weekend, right? Ummm, no. Get your mind out of the gutter. Did you miss the part about 13 kids? Also we have two preggers on the trip, or as I like to call them, the friends that will drive me home after too many cocktails.

This weekend will be filled with wine, hours at the spa, yummy dinners, girl talk, and sleeping in. So I asked my ladies what excites them the most about a girls only weekend and of course their answers didn’t disappoint!

I really don’t know which part I am most excited about, but today it might be the sleeping in. Monkey has been waking up super early and he must realize that he needs to do something so amazingly adorable or I will send his cute tush back to bed. So his new trick is to quietly (not so quietly because I hear him come in my room) dig through my jewelry box and select something shiny. Then he brings it over to his sleeping Mamma and says, “Mommy, I got this present for you. Do you love it?” Because I am a silly sucker for my boy, I act surprised and tell him how much I love the ring, bracelet, random broken earring he has picked out. I guess there are worse ways to be woken up.

While I can’t wait to sleep without someone in footie pajamas waking me from my much needed beauty sleep, my buddy D-Love is looking forward to a weekend of peanut butter.

When you are a mom, you have to make sacrifices and sometimes those sacrifices just suck. For D-Love, her daughter’s peanut allergy has forced her to ban all peanut products from her house to ensure her little lady’s health—good mommy. But not this weekend! Bring on the peanut butter, D-Love because you deserve it! So when we are packing snacks for the weekend, D-Love’s only request was that it contains the forbidden fruit.

I really don’t know how she does it. Since I eat my stress, I can usually be found diving into a jar of peanut butter when I have a crappy day or the kids are working my last nerve. Rather than shouting “You kids are driving me to drink.” I yell “You kids are driving me to eat this entire jar of peanut butter.”

My DD for the weekend and traveling partner Coco is most excited about listening and singing along to really loud and profane rap music. Without little ears in the car, it is going to be a Biggie and Tupac kind of road trip. Even if this weekend is a bust, watching a pregnant Coco sing “All Eyes on Me”–worth it’s weight in gold.

Packing should be easy for Ms. Raven because she is only bringing a very, very tiny purse. You know, the kind you CAN’T fit a diaper, sippy cup, lollipops, wipes, toys, and snacks in. Ahhhh, how liberating

Really we are easy women to please, take the adorably pregnant Lemon. She is thrilled she won’t have to cut up anyone’s food and can speak without a kid interrupting 574,039 times. While Clear-Eyes is going to enjoy a weekend with a cellphone and iPad not covered in crumbs, slobber, or snot, and of course, the elusive moments of privacy in the bathroom. Glorious!

I am a firm believer in Girls Weekends. They are an investment in yourself, in your friendships, and your sanity. It gives you just enough time to relax and recharge. It also gives your husband just enough time to realize that you are superwoman and he and the kids would be lost without you. So pack your bags, grab the wine, and let’s hit the road, ladies!

So how about a giveaway? In honor of girlfriends that make your life better, easier, and happier I am giving away a beautiful Stella and Dot “Courage” bracelet. The wonderful Kelly Smith, Stella and Dot Stylist (also my personal bestie and Mimi’s Godmother!) has graciously given Questionable Choices in Parenting this gorgeous bracelet to be given to one of my readers!

So click this link of for your chance to win! The lucky winner will be announced on 2/11/2013
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