Questionable Choices in Parenting

Laughing at life as a parent so they don't commit me

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Fashion Face Off in the Preschool Parking lot: Who Wore It Best?

March 31, 2014 by amushro

I imagine if you are a big, fancy star headed off to a red carpet event in your designer duds, one of the worst things that can happen to you is someone shows up with the same outfit! Gasp!

It’s probably even worse if that someone is a person you would NEVER, EVER run up to and sequel “Twinzies!”  Like if Gwyneth Paltrow found herself in the same dress as someone like Kim Kardashian. Can you imagine the serious “conscious uncoupling”  Gwyennie would have?

picture from Usweeklymagazine.com
picture from Usweeklymagazine.com

But Gwyneth, I know exactly how you must worry you won’t win the “Who Wore It Better”, but my fashion faux paus didn’t happen on the red carpet. Nope, mine happened somewhere a lot less chic but  probably has the same amount of tantrums.

Because spring brings lots and lots of rain showers, I often find myself looking like a drowned rat after a morning of school pickups and drop offs. So during my last trip to Target, I decided “Amanda, no more of this nonsense. Get yourself a hooded raincoat.”  And really, who am I to pass up a chance to do a little Target shopping?

But after searching the women’s section high and low, it was clear  the only raincoat Target thinks women need is some fashionable wrap coat without a hood. Hey, Target, now is not the time to get all fashion forward  and trendy on me. I even searched the men’s section–no luck. It wasn’t until I happened upon the little boys section that I found a raincoat that actually had a hood.

“Hmmmm, the colors are cute, blue and black, with a fun orange lining. Uh-huh, the price is right, under 20 bucks. Hey look at that, the large fits and is cute. OK, I toss it in the cart with the 45 other things I didn’t plan on purchasing today.”

jacket

I was really loving my new raincoat and wore it proudly. When I ran into my favorite gal pal at preschool drop-off I was thrilled when she chimed “I love that coat!”

“Targeé” I responded in my best French accent, “Got it in the little boys section. Can you stand it?”

With an extra bounce in my step, I put my hood up and sauntered out the door to my car. But right there in the parking lot is where I saw my coat rounding the corner and walking straight towards me. It wasn’t another mom wearing my favorite new coat. It wasn’t even another Dad. No friends, it was a little boy. A little boy that’s in my son’s class.

Blue and black raincoat with a fun orange lining. One large and one small staring each other down.

He broke first, “Hey Aaron’s Mommy, your coat looks like mine.”

“Yes…yes it does…”

I squinted and waited for the flashing light of the paparazzi’s camera. Oh wait, no one’s taking our picture and I’m pretty sure in this “Who Wore It Better” showdown, the vote always goes to the kid, right?

I should have been embarrassed or said something witty in response to the four year old mocking the fact we were coat doppelgangers, but then I realized by the end of the day one of us will probably have macaroni and cheese spilled down the front of that coat, a few Mickey Mouse stickers stuck right above our butt, and traces of today’s art project on the elbow, and that would probably be me.

Whatever kid, you enjoy your coat and I’ll enjoy mine. At least I know your mom has good taste.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Laughs, Uncategorized Tagged With: Amanda Mushro, Gwyneth Paltrow, hooded raincoat, Kim Kardashian, parenitng humor, Target

Party of Five?

January 5, 2013 by amushro

Is anyone else starting to feel like everyone is pregnant? Look around, everyone is pregnant. Everyone! Well, not me. I’m not pregnant, but I feel like everyone from my friends, to people on Facebook, to every celebrity now has a bun in the oven.

preggers

Seeing so many pregnant women can be dangerous for a girl like me. The reason why: I have a biological clock that is shouting “tick, tick tick, BOOM dynamite.”  Yes I have two healthy and beautiful children, and according to my mom, “You have a boy and a girl. That is all they come in!” But I can’t help but look at our dinner table and wonder if someone is missing?

When I was young and newly married, I wanted four kids. You may say I’m a dreamer; then reality (age, $$$, sanity) hit and I realized four is not in the cards for us.

I even visited a psychic a few months ago and asked if she saw more children in my future. The woman actually had the nerve to tell me yes and it would be twins! I have heard the urban legend about these mothers that wanted to add just one more kid to the mix and BOOM twins! Here is my PC mom statement: yes it would be a blessing, and here is reality: HOLY HELL! What would I do with twins in addition to Monkey and Mimi? Sign me up for the nuthouse right now. Anyone have a good psychic that can give me another reading? I feel like I need a second opinion. If the second psychic says she sees twins, then my uterus is headed into early retirement.

In spite of the psychic spewing her twin nonsense, I have turned to my friends for advice. Have you ever met a friend as an adult and knew instantly that if you were eight you would totally buy them a friendship bracelet? That is how I feel about my friend, Coco.  She is funny, brutally honest,talks me off of my crazy ledge when things get rough, and has changed my kids poopy diapers— that is a real friend.  She has also been my sounding board for the “should we have another baby” discussion.  A few months ago I felt like everywhere I looked someone was having another baby with a horrible disease or disfigurement. Then I read about Tori Spelling being on bed rest for months with her fourth pregnancy and all of the awful complications she had after the baby was born. I swore it was a sign from God that our clan was meant to be four and no more. So I begin my texting rant to Coco about why both of us should NEVER have a third and just stop at two.  It was descriptive and detailed. I pulled out every argument I could think of.  She is a lawyer so I felt like I needed to use big words to prove my case “amniocentesis” “Apgar Scoring System” “college tuition.” The next day, she told me she was pregnant. Insert foot into my big, stupid, overreacting mouth. Luckily, my beloved Coco said she wouldn’t judge me because she still questions if she is sane for having a third baby.

Ever the problem solver, I even created a pros/cons list.  I will not bore you with the contents of this list, and to be quite honest, some of the reasons to or not to have a third child are embarrassing, selfish, and you may think I am even crazier then you already suspected. However, ever the optimist, Coco told me “the fact that you’re even making a list means you’ve got one foot in the delivery stirrups.”

Crazy!

To be honest, I change my mind based on the day.

  • If the kids are being good and one of them does something particularly sweet or adorable—it’s a three kid kind of day.
  • If someone doesn’t nap, throws a temper tantrum or my husband works late—two kid day

The good thing is that at the ripe old age of 32 and ¾, I still have a lot of time to pop out another kid. Maybe we will have a third. I could see myself with a straggler. Someone to hang out with me once Monkey and Mimi leave me for elementary school sniff…sniff.  As my Coco would say “Love is multiplied and not divided,” and with that I will drink some more wine because I can and she can’t. Cheers!

Filed Under: Questionable Choices Tagged With: humor, Jessica Simpson, kids, Kim Kardashian, Party of Five, pregnancy, Psychic

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