When Finding Mommy Friends Feels Like Dating

Yesterday Hubby and I were discussing reasons he can never kill over on me. Of course the obvi: we would all be heartbroken, the kids would miss out on knowing their amazing dad, and who would laugh at my inappropriate jokes? More importantly, I am horrible at dating! Granted, I haven’t had to hit up the actual dating scene in a million years; however, after having Monkey, I was searching for some Mom friends and felt like I was on one bad date after another.

Right around the time that I found out I was pregnant with Monkey there was a mini-baby-boom with my pals. We all delivered within a few months of each other and Boom!– instant Mommy friends. I like to equate this to college dating where life is easy and all you need to do is show up (usually at a bar late night), but in the Mommy friend scene, you meet at Starbucks. We were instantly in that joyous “honeymoon” stage

During those early “honeymoon” days we met our friends every chance we got  for leisurely lunches, powerwalks with our strollers through the mall, and quick stops at Gap Kids to peruse the sale racks. Life was good.

Then there was the breakup; everyone’s maternity leave ended. They went back to work and  left Monkey and I dateless and lonely.

I sort of went through a mourning period after the breakup where we didn’t go out much, and if we did, it was to the same spots we used to frequent on our dates–denial. I would send a few desperate texts asking my friends to come back because we were so good together and they would never find anyone as great as us. After a few weeks of this nonsense, it was clear we needed to get back out there and start dating make new friends.

If you are hitting the dating scene, you frequent the trendiest clubs and restaurants.  If you are searching for playdates, the dating scene is Mommy and Me classes: Mommy and Me gym class, yoga class, swim class, art class, these classes are breaking the bank class. So there we were, putting ourselves out there hoping to catch someone’s eye.

It was pretty easy to figure out who was “our type” and who we needed to stay far, far away from: the Starbucks drinking mom who was ignoring their aggressive kid shoving the other kids off the slide or the super needy mom that over-shares about her leaky boobs, hemorrhoids, and failing marriage within five minutes of meeting her–no thanks, not interested

If you were having a great conversation with someone, you would get nervous for the end of the class (much like last call at the bar). Here was your chance! Should you ask for their number? Wait for them to ask for yours?  Hope they show up again next week? Ahhh the pressure! If you do get their number, you walk away and over analyze everything. Did she really like me? When should I call? I wonder if she noticed the baby barf down my back?

Here is the thing about finding new Mommy friends, you and your kiddo have to be compatible with the mom AND her kid—double dating. You may meet a nice enough mom, but if her kid is a creep, it’s never going to work. Walk away, just walk away now.

Sometimes we would go on playdates that started out promising and ended up disastrous. If we were on a real date, we would have said we were going to the bathroom and jet out the door when no one was looking. Like the time we had a playdate with the lady who was wasted on the playground. Maybe she was nervous. I mean, I like my cocktails, but you know, it’s a little awkward when she is the one climbing on monkey bars at 10 AM. I faked a diaper blowout and high tailed it from the Boozy mom.

Sometimes you end up in a bad relationship just because you want to “date” someone. I befriended one mom that I had nothing in common with other than we had kids. She was whiny, bragged about all of the money her husband made, and her daughter cried a lot, but I smiled and tried to make it work because I was so freaking lonely. Finally I knew it was over and I ended it in the most mature way— I stopped returning her calls and texts.  We had to change the days of some of our classes to avoid her and we gave up custody of a few playgrounds, but in the end the clean break was best.

Dating is hard when you are looking for a love match. Dating to find Mommy friends is even harder. But just like being lucky in love, being lucky with friends makes this life as a Mommy easier, better, and a whole lot more fun.

The super hilarious blogger Cloudy With a Chance of Wine wrote about how to make mom friends.  Be careful because I know how some of my readers pee themselves when they laugh too hard. You will find her step by step guide very helpful:How to Make Mom Friends

Remember, you still have a chance to win the georgous Stella and Dot “Courage” bracelet. It will give you somthing shiny to wear on your dates!a Rafflecopter giveaway