Questionable Choices in Parenting

Laughing at life as a parent so they don't commit me

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Some Days I Feel Like a Legit Writer

March 4, 2014 by amushro

Sometimes I have these really grand ideas that I’m a legit writer. I’ll pack up my laptop and head out the front door to the neighborhood Starbucks for some quality writing time, but before I leave to find some writing space of my own, I mumble to my husband “Deadlines! So many deadlines!”

In reality, most of my writing takes place on my living room floor because the closest outlet it too far from the couch. Usually two kids are barking their demands of “Mommy, I need chocolate milk,” and “Mommy, I need you to wipe my butt!” as I attempt to make some sense on my blog.  I hit save on the two words that I wrote with every intention of coming back to the post once the kids are in bed. However, I’m usually so drained that only nonsense comes across my computer screen past 8:30 PM.

This weekend I told my husband that I needed to write, he was in change of the children, and I was not to be disturbed. I snuck upstairs to work in my bedroom (laptop in one hand, coffee in the other, box of Girl Scout cookies under my arms). I opened the blinds on every window and started to click, click, click away on my next blog post. It was bliss. It was heaven. It was over in five minutes.

Legit

My daughter, who is just at the starting gate of potty training, decided that she needed to poop in the company of her mother. Better yet, why not do it on mommy’s bedroom floor! Where was her father, the one that was taking over the parenting reins this weekend? Well when I carried a freshly bathed girl down to the basement, I found both of my boy in front of the tv playing video games. Normally the poop on the floor and the blank stares during a video game would have been enough to send me over the edge yelling “I can’t work in these conditions!”

So no, friends, most days I don’t feel like a legit writer; however, this weekend I had a little boost to my legit writer ego. Not even fecal matter or Mario Brothers could bring me down. Because this weekend I found out that an essay I wrote would be featured in a book! That’s right, I’m officially a published writer and seriously considering only introducing myself that way to the new people I meet, “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Amanda, published writer.”

Get your copy April 8!

The book is entitled Not Your Mother’s Book on Being a Mom and will be in book stores and sold online April 8. This book is actually part of a series created by the team responsible for the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. So this is a modern, edgy, snarky take on motherhood and I’m thrilled to be a part of it!

While I was relishing in my new found success, I found the reactions from my fan base (read: my family) to be my favorite part of this experience.

My dad asked how much they were paying me, my husband is excited to make-out with a published author (Pretty sure he just wants to make-out), my kids asked if I would read it to them (gonna need to wait a little while on that one, kids), but leave it to my own mom to have the best response.

 When I told my mom I would pre-order her a copy  she insisted she wanted to go to a book store, find it on the shelves, take it to the register to check out and tell the cashier “My daughter is a writer in this book.” Yup, pretty sure that makes me a legit writer.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Amanda Mushro, book, Not Your Mother's Book on Being a Mom, Publishing Syndicate, Starbucks, writer

When Finding Mommy Friends Feels Like Dating

February 4, 2013 by amushro

Yesterday Hubby and I were discussing reasons he can never kill over on me. Of course the obvi: we would all be heartbroken, the kids would miss out on knowing their amazing dad, and who would laugh at my inappropriate jokes? More importantly, I am horrible at dating! Granted, I haven’t had to hit up the actual dating scene in a million years; however, after having Monkey, I was searching for some Mom friends and felt like I was on one bad date after another.

Right around the time that I found out I was pregnant with Monkey there was a mini-baby-boom with my pals. We all delivered within a few months of each other and Boom!– instant Mommy friends. I like to equate this to college dating where life is easy and all you need to do is show up (usually at a bar late night), but in the Mommy friend scene, you meet at Starbucks. We were instantly in that joyous “honeymoon” stage

During those early “honeymoon” days we met our friends every chance we got  for leisurely lunches, powerwalks with our strollers through the mall, and quick stops at Gap Kids to peruse the sale racks. Life was good.

Then there was the breakup; everyone’s maternity leave ended. They went back to work and  left Monkey and I dateless and lonely.

I sort of went through a mourning period after the breakup where we didn’t go out much, and if we did, it was to the same spots we used to frequent on our dates–denial. I would send a few desperate texts asking my friends to come back because we were so good together and they would never find anyone as great as us. After a few weeks of this nonsense, it was clear we needed to get back out there and start dating make new friends.

If you are hitting the dating scene, you frequent the trendiest clubs and restaurants.  If you are searching for playdates, the dating scene is Mommy and Me classes: Mommy and Me gym class, yoga class, swim class, art class, these classes are breaking the bank class. So there we were, putting ourselves out there hoping to catch someone’s eye.

It was pretty easy to figure out who was “our type” and who we needed to stay far, far away from: the Starbucks drinking mom who was ignoring their aggressive kid shoving the other kids off the slide or the super needy mom that over-shares about her leaky boobs, hemorrhoids, and failing marriage within five minutes of meeting her–no thanks, not interested

If you were having a great conversation with someone, you would get nervous for the end of the class (much like last call at the bar). Here was your chance! Should you ask for their number? Wait for them to ask for yours?  Hope they show up again next week? Ahhh the pressure! If you do get their number, you walk away and over analyze everything. Did she really like me? When should I call? I wonder if she noticed the baby barf down my back?

When Making Mommy Friends Feels Like DatingHere is the thing about finding new Mommy friends, you and your kiddo have to be compatible with the mom AND her kid—double dating. You may meet a nice enough mom, but if her kid is a creep, it’s never going to work. Walk away, just walk away now.

Sometimes we would go on playdates that started out promising and ended up disastrous. If we were on a real date, we would have said we were going to the bathroom and jet out the door when no one was looking. Like the time we had a playdate with the lady who was wasted on the playground. Maybe she was nervous. I mean, I like my cocktails, but you know, it’s a little awkward when she is the one climbing on monkey bars at 10 AM. I faked a diaper blowout and high tailed it from the Boozy mom.

Sometimes you end up in a bad relationship just because you want to “date” someone. I befriended one mom that I had nothing in common with other than we had kids. She was whiny, bragged about all of the money her husband made, and her daughter cried a lot, but I smiled and tried to make it work because I was so freaking lonely. Finally I knew it was over and I ended it in the most mature way— I stopped returning her calls and texts.  We had to change the days of some of our classes to avoid her and we gave up custody of a few playgrounds, but in the end the clean break was best.

Friends!

Dating is hard when you are looking for a love match. Dating to find Mommy friends is even harder. But just like being lucky in love, being lucky with friends makes this life as a Mommy easier, better, and a whole lot more fun.

The super hilarious blogger Cloudy With a Chance of Wine wrote about how to make mom friends.  Be careful because I know how some of my readers pee themselves when they laugh too hard. You will find her step by step guide very helpful:How to Make Mom Friends

How To Make Mom Friends 300x300 How to make mom friends

Remember, you still have a chance to win the georgous Stella and Dot “Courage” bracelet. It will give you somthing shiny to wear on your dates!a Rafflecopter giveaway

Courage

Filed Under: Questionable Choices Tagged With: dating, giveaway, humor, mommy friends, Starbucks

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