Dad Knows Best

*OK, so this post is an ode to my Pops for Father’s Day. I know I am a few days late, but I’ve been super busy and this post is super funny, so keep reading!*

My Dad is a real pain the ass. He assumes his opinions are always right, his potty mouth would make a trucker blush, he is crabbier than my kids if he doesn’t stick to his schedule and misses his nap, and he is in better shape than most twenty year olds. So freaking annoying.

However, he is a gem of a man who has come to my rescue more times than I can count. He loves my kids in such a beautiful way that it melts my little black heart. Around every turn of my life when I have been afraid, he reminds me to be brave. And he has taught me some of the most simple but profound lessons in life.

Now in all honesty, a lot of this magical advice was plagiarized from my grandfather, and if I had to guess, taken from his father, but it doesn’t matter because I fully intend on stealing these morsels of knowledge and sharing them with my own bambinos.

1. People are stupid—this little tidbit is the gift that keeps on giving. Sure it seems a bit harsh, but I can’t tell you how many times a day I recite this line over and over. Watch the nightly news: people are stupid. Read asinine status updates on Facebook: people are stupid. Keyboard politicians: People are stupid. Naming your baby North: people are stupid.
2. Are they paying your bills? Then why are you worrying about them?  I shutter at the thought of  being a dad to an emotional basket case teenage girl. I was a freaking hormonal nightmare and cried All. The. Time. During any falling out with a friend, non-friend, or lame-o boyfriend, my dad would lay it on the line and ask:

Dad: Are they paying your bills?

Me: What? No? (insert whiny voice and a few extra tears, OK a lot of tears)

Dad: Then why are you worrying about them?

Me: Because I …(insert lame teenage response) You don’t know what you are talking about.*Storms off to pout in bedroom*

Ok, So it wasn’t the most well received piece of advice as a teen, but with most life lessons, it was lost on youth but invaluable to me today. It takes a lot to get my panties in a bunch, and if they do, I ask myself those questions. Usually if that doesn’t work, I refer to #1

3.       Do the right thing- So simple and so true. It’s sorta like my Daddy-O is as enlightened as Dori and her “just keep swimming” line. The next time you find yourself at a crossroad in life, just do the right thing. Makes your decision a lot easier.

There is all sorts of research on the lasting effects a dad has on his daughter’s relationships throughout life and her sense of self-worth. That’s a lot of pressure for Dear Old Dad.! Clearly the big guy did a few things right (even if he failed at teaching me to parallel park). But here is the best part of having an awesome dad, watching him be an amazing grandfather to your kids. Do the right thing? I think so.