Sometimes I’m shocked and, to be honest, a bit fascinated by the amount of dirt and grime I’m willing to leave on my body and hair and still go out in public. Now, I haven’t always had such poor hygiene. At one time I too enjoyed daily showers. In fact, I can actually pinpoint the exact moment the upkeep of my personal appearance took a severe nosedive. Let me see….Oh yes, when I had children. Admittedly, things have improved slightly now that my kids are two and four. But now, my showering rituals are minimal: just to get the grease off and no major primping really happens. That is why I take my Saturday Showers very seriously and may never fully recover from the tragic loss of my recent Saturday Shower. Let me explain…
Bright and early on Saturday mornings I lay down a decree in our home. “Family,” I tell them, “Mommy is going to get a shower. No one is allowed in my bathroom during this time. Just stay here with your father. Better, yet, don’t leave this floor of the house, OK?”
They all nod in agreeance, and I shoot a stern look at my husband to really solidify the point. In no uncertain terms, this look means “Keep them out of the bathroom until I come back or I’m coming after you, pal.”
And just like that, I’m off! I’m giddy like a school girl and almost fall running up the stairs for my Saturday Shower. Dancing into the bathroom I blast the Billy Joel Station on Pandora and sing along with my favorite Piano Man
“A bottle of white….”
“A bottle of red…”
Yes, Billy, perhaps a bottle of rose instead…
Cranking the temperature of the water to near scalding (it takes a lot to get rid of that Mom-grime, am I right?), I examine the assortment of shower products that have sadly collected soap scum during the week due to lack of use.
Pink body scrubs, girly smelling lotions, and fluffy loofahs, I give them all a little wink. Hello, friends. Good to see you again.
This is the Saturday Shower and I will use EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. In fact, shampoo and conditioner, I will even wash, rinse, AND repeat. Over my shoulder I give a little wave to the assortment of lotions and makeup I will luxuriously apply once the glorious and beloved shower is over.
Then my perfect little Saturday Shower bubble was burst when my four year old infiltrated my sanctuary.
“Hey Mommy!”
“Hey, buddy. What are you doing here? Where’s your dad?”
“I dunno.”
“Well, Mommy is taking a shower so….privacy please.. .“
“I’m just going to go potty”
“Well, we have three other potties in the house. Go use one of those. Where did you say your dad is?”
“Nope, I’ll just use this one.”
And before I could chase him out, the kid dropped trou. When he didn’t lift the seat, I knew what sort of “business” he intended to do.
I tried my best to ignore him and hoped he would just wrap up his “business” and get out quickly. But the kid added insult to injury when the steamy bathroom no longer smelled of vanilla sugar body scrub, but of my gross kid.
I turned up my nose and let out a yelp when he flushed the potty and froze me out.
Finally, I whimpered in defeat when he swiped my phone off the counter, switched off my tunes, and exited the bathroom playing a game on my phone
A little light headed from the smell, cold, and music-less, my Saturday shower was a complete bust.
My kids ruin a lot of things: my Saturday Shower, my flat stomach, my ability to run up the stairs without peeing myself. While I can’t fix most of these ruined things, I can lock the door next Saturday and run the dishwasher and washing machine as soon as my husband gets in the shower on Monday morning.
Haha, yup. Sounds very familiar. My kids are older now, so it doesn’t really happen anymore, but it happened all the time when they were little. Welcome to motherhood.
I howled. I howled! I read this to my husband and I scowled at him when I got to the “where’s daddy” part. Every Saturday, I take a shower so long and steamy that I come away looking like a boiled sausage. I love that shower and would cut anyone (blood relation or not) who interrupted it. But to answer your question, I recently (last week) went 6 days without a shower, although I did wash my hair under the faucet in desperation.
Yes, definitely lock that door! You should at least get one uninterrupted shower per week!
Sorry… I am not laughing…. ok maybe a little…mostly remembering my bubble bath (set in stone) (don’t bother me) days.
I remember those days. Don’t worry. It gets better. Pretty soon you’ll step into your shower and find all your glorious products are now in everyone else’s bathroom. Make sure to put a lock on the cabinet too. 🙂
First of all, I LOVE that we both do the Saturday Showers and mean business! I feel like it’s the only time I actually get clean. Second of all, don’t forget to flush each of the toilets when your husband is in there next 😉
Roflmao
You just described the last oh 18 years of my life!
As a mother of 4 my shower time is sacred and when it’s interrupted my entire day is in ruins!!
Great post 🙂
LOL. Been there done that! It does get better I promise. And you can get your paybacks when they are teens and want to sleep in on the weekend.
yea. run it all. and flush a few toilets for a little extra something.
mommy time is serious business.
Sounds like something my kids would have done. They don’t understand how precious that little bit of alone time is!
I can completely relate! Every time I try to relax in a shower or a bath I have a little visitor to ruin my whole experience! Good thing we love them right?
Oh, how I can relate. Our bathroom has been under construction for A YEAR so we’re down to one and the problem is even worse. I try to remind myself all the time that this will go quickly and I’ll wish they were little again, but for right now…I’m really kind of sick of peeing myself and being unshowered. Thanks for saying it for me!
Love it! I think we can all sympathize! It does get better, ten the silence kills you.
I know I am right there with you. Hubby asks why I don’t just lock the door… well; DUH! if I do, they will just pound on it till I have to get out of the shower to open it. HA
Hahaha! Yup, that sounds about right. I’m glad I’m not the only one that this happens too, though. 🙂
I feel you… one bathroom house here.
Ha! Oh my.. I am stuck laughing at how Monday morning will go for the hubby! What an abrupt ending to an amazing Saturday shower. Yikes! Hope you get a better one next week!
LOL – I totally get this, I am a mom of 5 and haa haa I am still laughing. So true and so being a mom.
Haha, this is all too familiar. I can’t wait for your revenge next Saturday (; Sometimes mom just needs one little break!
Hilarious! I think every single mom has experienced this at some point! Hope you get your Saturday shower this week — and your husband? Well, good luck to him!
Lol! My daughter ruins my showers too! Every time I hop it, she suddenly has to use the potty.
My favorite part of traveling is that I get to have uninterrupted time in a big, clean bathroom. It just never happens at home. Even a lock won’t stop my kids. Better luck to you for next Saturday!
lol, mama you’ve got to lock that door!!! Fingers crossed for a Saturday sanctuary next week. 🙂
LOL! This is great! Sounds like such a guy thing! Oh! Sometimes you don’t know if they’re doing it on purpose or they are just too … to know!
OMGosh I’m sitting here literally laughing out loud. I can NEVER shower alone. Or pee alone. Oh and yeah, my flat stomach is ruined too. Yay for kids!
Sad day! I can totally relate!
It sounds like my house. While we only have one bathroom, I do the whole does anyone have to go. Are you sure? And of course the answer is no, until I am a few seconds into the whole 5 minute shower
It is inevitable, I tell you. As soon as you try to bathe yourself, one of your children have some dire need that only you can attend to, hear, or respond to – and any person who is actually NOT taking a shower cannot possibly handle it. Which is the exact look on said persons face when you are out of the shower looking at them and asking “why?” This also applies to naps when you are exhausted that cannot go uninterrupted, any project that you need to do sans kid hands and any time you are murderously ill.