I already know that I wear my heart on my sleeve; I just wasn’t aware that I also wear every single emotion on my face too.
“How are you doing?” seems like a simple pleasantry between two people. But this was a loaded “How are you doing?” and not in the Joey from Friends “How you doin’?” kinda way, but in a “Are you OK?”
In the fall, my boy will be headed off to kindergarten and today I’m at kindergarten orientation registering him as a new student. I thought I had my emotions in check, but I caught the eye of the principal mere moments of entering the school.
“How are you doing?” she cautiously asked.
“Me? I’m……..”
I consider giving the polite answer of “I’m fine, wonderful, excited, thrilled!” but in that moment, when she and I are eye to eye, I know she’s on to me.
“I’m…” I continue, “I’m going to try to keep it together today.”
“But they haven’t even gotten to school yet! You’ll be fine.”
In my attempts to hold back a sob, I answered with a too forced “Sure.”
So what was it that gave me away, Mrs. Principal?
Was it my eyes? Did they defy me with the telltale signs that I was crying in the shower this morning?
Could you sense that I had been punched in the stomach when I pulled up to your lovely little school?
Could you see on my face that even though I’m standing in a school that parents and students love, that is surrounded by a neighborhood that people flock to simply to attend your school, a school that has artwork and student achievements wallpapering the walls, that I’m searching hard to find something I don’t like.
Could you sense the dull pain in my chest? The pain from realizing that in a few short months I will be putting my heart on a big, yellow bus and I’ll wave and wave until I can’t see him and just like that, he’s off to school.
Let me assure you, Mrs. Principal that my boy, he will be fine. He will walk the halls of your big school and he will show everyone how smart, kind, funny and sweet he is. He’s so sweet he’ll rot your teeth and he’s so funny, he’ll make every teacher laugh. He’ll make friends and he’ll be JUST FINE, more than fine. So really all of this, this face I must be carrying today, it’s really about me.
It’s about me all excited and wistful and scared all in one at kindergarten orientation. It’s me chiding myself for being so emotional and knowing my Mom friends will have a field day with me when I recount this ridiculous interaction between you and me.
But I just can’t help it and apparently, can’t hide it either. So I will watch your presentation, be befuddled by the carpool, nod quietly when you show us the playground, and try my best to not make an audible sounds of distaste when I see the “kindergarten hall”
Because, after all, Mrs. Principal, in a few months you and I will see each other in the hallways for parties and PTA meetings, and I can assure you I won’t be crying then. And maybe in a few years, when I make this kindergarten orientation trip for my daughter, I won’t be crying. Probably, I will probably be crying.
So you and I might be right back here, and you can assure me it will all be OK and I’ll believe you.
Oh, the tears when I took my first daughter to kindergarten.
Mine. Not hers.
She was fine. She played and made friends, cut and colored. I came back to be lunch dad. Everyone was happy.
In a year, I’ll have to drive her to her first college dorm, possibly.
I wonder if it all starts again.
I remember crying on the first day of kindergarten. I was a stay at home mom and my son never went to preschool or anything. He was so happy to go and just took off down the hall. I showed up to school an hour early and couldn’t wait to pick him up. It was much harder on me than it was on him. Now he is getting ready to start college.
I was a blubbering mess when I took my first one to school for the first time. My child was totally fine and even asked if I was okay. It was terrible. It’s a big transition, though! It’s the first step in their journey towards independence.
I didn’t cry when I registered my oldest for kindergarten, but I cried like a baby on his first day!
I’m crying just reading, so…
There is nothing wrong with being a hot crying mess at these things. I remember being the same way and I was not ashamed of it at all. It’s an emotional time and it only happens once with each child.
It’s always so emotional when your kids hit a new milestone. I think I cried when my oldest went to kindergarten.
I think every mom cried at Kindergarten orientation – with their first one and their last one! i know that I certainly did. Make sure you have the tissues ready for their first day of school too!
I am not a parent but I am a former teacher and am used to the bittersweet sadness in parent’s eyes as they drop off their children on the first day of school. The child’s eyes are always filled anticipation and nervous wonder and the parents are proud but sad because they will miss having their little one there with them all day.
This is a pretty life-changing moment that can really creep up on you. It happened again when my kids went to college too!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being that mom. It shows you are real and human. I cried when I sent all three of my babies to Kindergarten, I cried during all three of their Kindergarten graduations, I cry during every first day of school drop off, and just the thought of my oldest starting middle school next year makes me teary eyed. 🙂
Awww, I’m sure I will too when that day comes!
Oh I do understand. I still remember when my oldest started.
I think it is perfectly OK to breakdown. It is a new season in your kiddos life. Changes aren’t easy and this signifies a huge change. You can get through it though!
It gets easier! I knew it was a pretty normal reaction when I saw all of the other kindergarten parents peering in the classroom window. The principal had to ask them to leave!
It’s completely normal to cry when your child starts school! It’s a big step in their life!
Hang in there 🙂 I am sure things will get better …
I cried when I took my son to kindergarten orientation as well. I think the school staff know who to ask to make cry.
Aww, I can totally relate to this. It’s soo hard letting your baby go off to school!
Our kids starting school is such an emotional time! I cried when I dropped my little one off for school for the first time, and the first day of this year too ha!
I heard about parents crying when they dropped their kids off at school. I couldnt imagine myself crying…but maybe I could because I cry over silly stuff now and I dont even have kids!
I was totally that mom too! you’re definitely not alone! Hold hands 🙂
when my oldest went to kinder i thought i would cry, but I didn’t. I was surprisingly ok with it.
I didn’t cry. I was so proud of them for being brave
Aw, I’m an intervention teacher and help with the first couple days in Kindergarten every year………it’s always harder on the parents!!!