Hiya! Today I am over at the DC Ladies talking about what I really want for Mother’s Day. Feel free to share this with anyone buying Mother’s Day gifts. Stop over, share, like, comment, tweet, tell them I have great hair, or whatever. Click right here to be magically transported over to the DC Ladies!
Come Hell or High Waters
This is how I sent my boy to school today:
First, pay no attention to the mismatched socks; today was “crazy sock day.”
Look again. Did Monkey’s school have a flood? Are those shorts or pants? Did his pants shrink? Nope, none of those are the issue. So why, oh why would I send my boy off to his fancy smancy preschool in those ridiculous pants? Well here is my sad, sorry, Questionable Choices in Parenting answer: The kid just won’t stop growing. Apparently all you need is lots of macaroni and cheese and chocolate milk to have HUGE growth spurts because that is all this kid consumes. Monkey has always been super tall, but recently he has shot up and become quite the beef cake. Actually he is more long and lean, and now here we are, just a few weeks from spring and warm weather, and this kid has zero clothes that fit him.
So you are thinking I should just head out and buy him more clothes, right? Wrong! I refuse, REFUSE to buy this kid a whole new wardrobe now! In a few short weeks we will ditch his too short pants and shirt sleeves that don’t come even close to touching his wrists for spring playground gear: t-shirts, shorts, bug spray, sunblock, mud and mulch. I won’t waste money on pants this kid will wear for less than two months. So he will just walk around looking like a fool because his mom is too cheap to buy him new pants.
I know this probably sounds bad, but if he was say 13 and he had this growing problem, I would totally rush out to all of the cool and hip stores to shop for him. I will take my flashlight to walk through the darkness of Hollister, I will use ear plugs to protect my hearing from the blasting tunes while I peruse American Eagle, and I will completely embarrass him while wearing a gas mask to prevent convulsions from inhaling too many cologne fumes that waft from Abercrombie and Fitch.
Those teenager years are rough enough and no one needs their cheap mother messing up their style. However, if he does look like a fool with too short pants, no girls will want to date him. Hmmmmmm…. I may be on to something here. I am getting off track. My point here is he is only three and I am sure no one (except the other parents, and the teachers, and the school administrators—oh man I am really weakening my argument here, huh) will see him in these ridiculous pants.
You are judging me, right? You think I should go out and buy him some new clothes, right? Fine! You win. I will break down and get the kid a few things to survive these last few weeks of winter weather. If nothing else, the trip to the mall will provide hours of blog fodder!
Be sure to enter my giveaway with Pretty in Pink Designs for an adorable tutu and Easter headband. Click the link and enter today!
The Wet Seal of Approval
Long, long ago I would have categorized myself as a stylish lady, fashion forward, if you will. OK that is a gross exaggeration; I was able to throw together a great outfit, accessorize, and get my hair to look fancy. Sigh, gone are those days. At this point I find myself turning to mannequins in stores for fashion advice. “Tell me headless lady, what do you think of these skinny jeans?”
I needed a new outfit for a little trip I was taking and I needed something that was not covered in playground mulch or macaroni and cheese. So in a rush, I had to take the world’s worst shopper, better known as my Screaming Mimi, to the mall. I strapped Mimi into her stroller and braved the stores. Two gals taking on the mall and the fashion world. What could go wrong?
Well let’s just start with Mimi. I dreamed of the days she and I would shop together, have leisurely lunches, and share a laugh or two. Mimi didn’t get her nickname of Screaming Mimi because it was funny. Girlfriend has a set of lungs that even Beyoncé would be jealous of.
We weren’t in the mall for more than ten minutes when she started the wailing, and as if by magic, someone turned up the heat. I was sweating, people were staring, Mimi was inconsolable, even mannequins were judging me. I needed to work fast: get in, grab an outfit, and get out.
We passed a storefront with some questionable selections, but lo and behold there was one mannequin with a decent outfit that was Mom appropriate. I rushed inside just before looking at the name of the store, “Wet Seal”. What? Ewwwww? Any parent should be a little suspect when letting their daughters shop in a store with a semi dirty name. Oh, you didn’t think it was dirty? Betcha you do now.
But I digress, upon entering the store I could clearly see this place was better suited for the styles of young ladies that have not seen the joys of child-bearing; however, I needed an outfit and Mimi needed the hell out of the mall. Among the sequins, day-glow, and bad 80’s reproductions (dang, are those things really in style?), I saw the Mom approved outfit from the window. I tried to get over to the display but was stopped in my tracks by a huge table covered in glitter tank tops. I moved left and there were more scantily clad mannequins. I moved right and I ran into a furry boot display. No matter how I moved, I couldn’t get Mimi’s stroller over to the one outfit I could actually wear in public without ultimate humiliation. Just then someone turned the heat up again, (why do they do that?) and the sweating and screaming kid became even more unbearable. Fine! I give up!! Clearly this store is anti-stroller (take the hint,lady).I turned and pushed Mimi out of the dirty named store and gave the evil eye to the traitorous mannequin in the window.
I got to thinking about my Questionable Choices in Parenting that day and here is what I came up with:
- Mimi is a gal on the move. You can’t tame a wild one with a stroller (even though 75 other kids in the mall were sitting in their strollers calmly). Our time of shopping together will come, just not right now.
- Gone are the days of shopping with great ease and convenience (well for a little while). Until those days are reclaimed, there is online shopping where you can drink wine while pursuing, slutty mannequins don’t judge you, and inappropriately named stores and obstacle courses can’t hold you down. Take that, Wet Seal!