Yesterday morning I looked out my front window and saw two men digging a hole in my front yard. Without even thinking, I stormed out the front door in my PJs, no shoes, no bra, and all of my early morning glory. Stomping up to the two men, I didn’t even fire a warning shot before I started to berate them by yelling “Whatever the hell you are doing, you better clean this mess up because we are putting our house on the market in a few days, and I will not have this yard looking like crap.”  Without so much as a response from the two confused men, I stomped back to the house and, for extra effect, I slammed the front door.

About three minutes after my explosion, Hubby informed me that those two men just put up a for sale sign in the front yard. While I assumed they were some annoying utilities workers ripping up my front yard, they were making what we had known for months official: our house is for sale.

After sheepishly apologizing to the men for my crazed rant, I tried to explain how stressful it has been getting the house ready to sell, with kids no less! Then I remembered I wasn’t wearing a bra and decided a simple “Sorry, I’m a wack job” would suffice.

We haven’t even started the showings of the house yet and I am already flying off the handle at random strangers. I need to simmer down, take deep breaths ,and get a grip before everyone stages an intervention in my spotless, toyless, dustless, take-off-your-shoes-before-you-walk-on-the-carpet-because-I-just-had-them-cleaned living room.

So I am going to be a glass half full gal and look at the positives of preparing and selling your house.  And if this doesn’t work, I am gonna need some meds to make it through this.

1. Don’t threaten to divorce your husband every time he says “Wow, now that most of the toys are gone and we got rid of so much stuff, there is so much room here. We really don’t need to move!”  Simply nod and smile at his positive outlook. Remember that he has worked really hard too, and while you deal with stress with wine and sarcasm, he deals with stress by talking like a lunatic. Isn’t he just the cutest thing!
2. When your cleaning lady informs you she will be out of the country for the next month and you are a poor excuse for a housekeeper, don’t panic! Just tell the entire family they are only allowed in one room of the house—until it is sold. Think of it as camping! Think of all the bonding!
3. Even though you have moved out 95% of the kids toys and 75% of your belongings to make the house look spacious and roomy for the strangers walking through your house, just know when you exclaim “Look at how much room this house has,” those people did the same thing and their crap made the house small and cramped too.
4. Since you and the kids will spend lots of time in the car driving around the neighborhood while random strangers are looking in your closets, try not to think about them looking in your underwear drawer,finding the post-pregnancy panties, and running out of the house screaming. No, no, no, just use the car time to play a rousing game of I Spy, sing a few songs, or just run them through McDonalds for a few minutes of peace and quiet.

Well folks, We have a long road ahead of us, and I can’t drop my basket now. Remember when I promised to be kind to this house?

I am going to keep looking at the positives (and drinking lots of wine), but I would LOVE your tips, tricks, or stories about moving! Share in the comments and we can all commiserate together!