mom

On My Honor: Real Life Lessons Learned as a Girl Scout

January 31, 2014 by amushro

Yesterday two Girl Scouts, all decked out in their snazzy green uniforms, came to my door selling cookies. Sashes proudly displayed their numerous badges that were surely earned with great dedication and pride, and just a few steps behind them was their mom, patiently waiting and smiling as her girls made yet another successful sale. Not only do I love Girl Scout cookies (seriously could there be anything more delicious?), but the Girl Scouts organization truly holds a special place in my heart.

“You know,” I told the scouts, “I was a Girl Scout too, and my mom was my troop leader.” The youngest piped up to exclaim “Our mom is the troop leader too!” I waved to her mom and told the girls “Well you are very lucky. Be sure to thank her.”

Immediately I started thinking about the life skills learned while a Girl Scout. Who would’ve thought some of the most valuable skills I learned came years later when I became a mother thinking about my own mom and troop leader.

While there are badges for photography, music, and gardening, there really should be one for multi-tasking and making it work. Because to make my Girl Scout years fun-filled and full of smiles, my mom surely earned those badges.

The camping, the songs, the crafts, my mom loved it all, but she really cherished that her own mother was her troop leader and that she could do the same for me. While digging through photos of her Girl Scout days, I found this gem. Check out my super stylish mom at camp (first row, second from the right):

When it came time for me to become a Girl Scout, my mom was all in. Even though she already had a full plate with a million other responsibilities, she jumped in and planned each meeting and activity with such thoughtfulness (or at least it looked that way) and skill (again, it really did look that way). Even a troop full of girls that really hated to be outdoors earned a few more badges than they thought they could.

Mother/Daughter sleep away camp with matching shirts? You betcha!

While my grandmother painstakingly sewed each and every badge onto my mother’s sash, my mother had no time for that nonsense. She hot glued those bad boys right on, and if one popped off, she’d just fire up the hot glue gun. Sometimes you just have to make it work.

But more importantly than badges or camps was the fact that my mom knew being a Girl Scout was something I loved and she wanted to be a part of something I loved even though it made her already hectic life even more bananas. So maybe the most important life skill I learned as a Girl Scout was not how to make jewelry or line dancing, but being present for your kids, being a part of what they love, and using a hot glue gun to make it work.

The Girl Scouts have declared February 7-8, 2014 as National Girl Scout Cookie Weekend! This special event is a great opportunity for Girl Scouts to share the importance of the Cookie Program and what it does for the girls and their communities! Through this effort, Girl Scouts hope to show when we buy a box of cookies, we’re helping the girls learn important skills like goal setting, decision making, money management, people skills and business ethics— skills essential to life and success!

So if you love the Girl Scouts and Girl Scout Cookies (and I know you do), join them for the National Girl Scout Cookie Weekend February 7-8!

Want to learn more about the Girl Scouts click here

To learn more about the Girl Scout Cookie Program click here

You can also find the Girl Scouts on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest

In Honor of Mother’s Day: Ten of My Mom’s Best Pieces of Advice!

May 12, 2013 by amushro

When it comes to the mom lottery, I am the Mega Millions, Powerball, Scratch-off winner. Not only is she my personal cheerleader, my kids’ favorite person in the world, and a fierce cook, she is smokin’ hot. It gives me hope that when I am her age, I won’t morph into the hunchback of Notre Dame. So in honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I would share my mom’s best pieces of advice. Now be advised, I usually rolled my eyes or ignored her pearls of wisdom, but inevitability something would happen and I realized, “Dang, she knows what she is talking about.” I just hate when that happens. So here you go, 10 of her best zingers:

“If you stay with that boy, you will end up barefoot and pregnant in a trailer park.” Until my husband, I had HORRIBLE taste in men. Good thing Kim had zero problems telling it like it is. And she was right. That guy was a one way ticket to co-starting on Honey Boo Boo.
Get a cleaning lady and never let her go. Apparently poor housekeeping skills are genetic, but more importantly, she was realistic. There is no way to do everything. So let the house go and throw money at the problem. Even if we had no budge in our budget, I wouldn’t give up my cleaning lady.
Make a HUGE deal out of your kids’ birthdays and every single holiday. If your Mamma doesn’t cover your room in balloons, let you eat cupcakes for breakfast, and throw amazeballs parties for your birthday, who will?
Anyone can do anything for a year. My first teaching job was reminiscent of Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. Remember that Coolio video? I was fresh out of school and the kids were climbing the walls after an endless line of substitute teachers. I cried every day. I cried all the way to work, sucked it up to make it through the day, and I cried all the way home. My mantra to survive was “Anyone can do anything for a year.” It got better and I learned to love my job, that school, and my students. When she’s right, she’s right!
Always have your own “thing.” Being a mom consumes every part of you and we can forget who we are. Check your profile pic on Facebook. Is it you or your kids? How often do you do something for yourself? Throughout the years my mom had a lot of hobbies, some successful some not. But she always had a “thing,” something that was all her own. And I don’t mean the secret stash of candy she thought was well hidden above the fridge. Sucker.
Classy women don’t drink out of beer bottles. Like I said, I don’t always listen to her advice and I never claimed to be classy. This tidbit is coming from a lady that gets sloshed after one margarita.
Never wait for your husband to do stuff for you. Want a picture hung on the wall? Grab the hammer and do it yourself! Want to paint the room? Grab a brush and get started! It drove my mom insane that her mother would wait and wait to have things done by my grandfather. It wasn’t happening in her house and it sure as hell isn’t happening here. Powertools, ladies. Embrace them.
Take care of your girls. Kids can do a real number on your ta-tas: underwire, padding, push-up, Victoria Secret. Live it, love it, use it.
Keep her under wraps most days, but never be afraid to unleash Mamma Bear. Hey, kid too old to be on the playground, I’m looking at you. If you push my kid again, you and your mom (the one texting and ignoring you) are going to get an earful.
No one and I mean NO ONE will ever love you like your Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day! Now go do something nice for your mom. You are the reason she has stretch marks and pees herself when she runs up the steps.

With a Little Help From My Friends

February 5, 2013 by amushro

Last week I shared with you my excitement over my impending girls weekend. While the week leading up to our mommy getaway seemed to drag on, the actual weekend flew by, sigh. Isn’t that how it always works? I’m not sure if it was the extra sleep, extra wine, extra calories, or extra laughs, but I am feeling all insightful today. Here are the ten things I learned from a girls weekend away from kiddos.

1. Always pack the essentials: booze, forbidden snacks, and small purses when you are away from your kids

2. The ban on talking about your kids will be broken about fifteen minutes into the trip

3. Even if you are all looking smokin’ hot in your skinny jeans and high black boots, you will never feel as uncool as when you roll up to a club in a mini-van full of Mommies.

4.If a brave young man tries to approach you and your gal pals while at a bar, he will be horrified and shocked by the number of children that have been produced by the ladies at the table. Point and laugh as he makes his escape. You might actually see a cloud of smoke forming at his feet because he is running so fast.

5. Don’t bother calling your husband for updates on the kids. You have left them in his care and you cannot control their eating, lack of eating, naps, lack of naps, bad hair, and unbrushed teeth. They will survive and so will you.

6. If we really wanted to solve all of the world’s problems, we would put a bunch of mommies in a car for several hours and let them hash it out. Boom—world peace

7. Never complain about spa time. Maybe you have a chatty masseuse or one that lacks all social graces. Maybe your manicure came out lousy. Maybe there was an error in booking and you end up in a couples massage with your very pregnant friend Coco where you scream “Don’t look at my belly,” and she replies “Don’t look at my belly.” Just quickly get under the covers, assume they don’t think she is carrying your child, kill the laughter, and just enjoy the fact you are getting your back rubbed for an hour.

8. Always drink lots of wine while helping your friends name their unborn children. You will come up with gems like this:

Channing Tatum= sexy

Paul Tatum= just dropped quite a few on the sexy list

9. Because you were so excited, your bags were packed and sitting at the door the morning you left. Just like your bags are packed sitting at the door ready to leave on Sunday. Get me home to my babies!

10. Time with your gals is essential. Everyone needs a break and time away will make you a better mother. However, there is no place like home and nothing better than kissing your babies when you come back refreshed and ready to tackle this mommy thing all over again or at least until the next trip!

Last chance to enter my Stella and Dot “Courage” Bracelet giveaway! Just click here to enter

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Old Yeller

January 10, 2013 by amushro

My name is Amanda and I am a yeller. I can say this with a little less shame because I come by this trait honestly. My dad is yeller, his dad before him; in fact, I would venture to say I come from a long line of yellers. Does this make the yelling OK? No, but I am not nearly as terrifying as my dad was when he would get all fired up and start cursing in Croatian. Watch out! That big man always looked like he was two minutes away from bursting an artery in his neck when he got going. Fast forward twenty years and he is a teary eyed, sentimental, hours on the floor playing trains, tea party drinking grandfather and dam proud of it. I, however, do not have that luxury. I have two nut job kids that ignore 95% of what I say the first 100 times I say it; hence the yelling.

A few months ago I convinced Hubby that he needed to work from home at least one day a week. I promised we would leave him alone during the day, but he could sneak upstairs during lunch and help me during the most God awful time of the day, post nap/pre-dinner, and he would have more quality time with the kids (or give me a few free minutes, but whatever). After hours of me whining, he agreed.

Today he was super stressed and had about a million things going on when the kids decided they NEEDED to see their daddy. After two minutes of Mimi banging on his computer and Monkey turning the lights on and off, Hubby lost his shizzz. What happened? You have stuff to do,the kids are not listening, and you are going bananas? Tell me more about this…..

Then it happened, he yelled at them. It was actually a pretty weak yell (by my standards), but he yelled none the less. Both kids burst into tears and were devastated! Devastated! At first I was annoyed because I am the only one that gets to yell at the kids, but what really got me going was the fact that they were sobbing, snotty, sniffling messes on the ground because their beloved dad raised his voice to them. Are you kidding me? I scream like a maniac with smoke coming out of my ears and no one flinches around here. Mimi is immune to any volume change in my voice because she has heard my crazy yelling since day one. She can’t tell if I am talking normally or threatening to send her off to grandma’s house. Should I have their hearing checked?

I just don’t get it? How can dear old dad slightly raise his voice and both kids are shaking in their boots. I go bat shit crazy and reach new decibels with my voice and not one flinches? How do I fix this? If I started to whisper all day what would happen? Would that throw the kids off their game? Would Monkey put his shoes on the first time I asked? Would Mimi stop climbing up and down the stairs after one request?

Yelling is not the answer, and I should really learn to tone it down, but nothing and I mean nothing feels better than to yell “What are you, three?” to Monkey when he has ignored my request for the umpteenth time. It is ridiculous, but I imagine using it in the future.

You got your nose pierced? What are you, 16?

You failed psychology because you didn’t go to class? What are you, 20?

You drank too much wine and stayed up too late reading a smutty book? What are you, 32? This was me last night—don’t judge

If an avid yeller like my father can be reformed, there is hope for me, right? Maybe I should save up the yelling for their teenage years (shudder). A toddler and a preschooler can’t be embarrassed by a yelling Mommy, but I could embarrass the hell out of a sassy teenager. So until then, things are going to be quiet around here. Let’s see how long this lasts.

Oh Christmas Card, Oh Christmas Card

December 21, 2012 by amushro

Stop complaining about how much you hate sending out Christmas cards. I know you are lying. OK, it can be a pain trying to get the entire family (kids and/or dogs) to look at the camera at the same time. Maybe you have a family member with the Chandler Bing picture smile? I do, but I refuse to reveal his identity (it may or may not be the man that I married, shhhhh….) Maybe you have one of those kids that will inevitably be dirty two seconds before you need them to say “ccchhheeessseee”? Yes, addressing the envelopes is time consuming. Just drink wine while you work. Do you fear of envelope licking poison? Stop watching Seinfeld.

And who the hell knows how much a freaking stamp is these days? All of these things combined can make the Christmas card quite the ordeal.

Well tough because everyone loves the dang cards. Especially me! Who doesn’t love to show off your adorable family in a festive card?It makes my day to get a Merry Christmas from a friend I haven’t seen all year. Those pain in the ass cards give me the warm fuzzies, but can I share a little secret with you? Sometimes when I look into the future, I get a little nervous about the card. Here’s why: I am really afraid I will have nothing to add to the card. Let me explain. One of my favorite types of cards is the family update newsletter. The entire family has a little paragraph that updates everyone on the accomplishments and goings on in their life that year. If our family had a newsletter, hubby’s paragraph would talk about his dedication to his job and the 372,384,926 football games he attended this fall. Monkey’s paragraph would discuss his love of preschool and his favorite classes, yoga and science–yoga in preschool, ridic, right? He is also taking piano lessons that his mother fears he will later use this talent to pick up chicks. Mimi’s would need to discuss her love of gym and music class and focus on her famed Mimi booty shake dance. Imagine an 18-month-old dropping it like it is hot—it’s pretty hilar. Then there is me. My paragraph would go something like this,” Ummm… well, uh. Hmmm.” What could I share with the world? I was used as a human tissue eight times today. Some days I am amazed at how long it has been since my last shower. I can name that kid’s show in three notes and I am a wiz at getting chocolate milk out of the laundry. Nothing ground breaking there. Maybe my day-to-day life isn’t paragraph worthy. I could just share what I contribute to our little world. How could that go over? Here is what I would share: I make dam cute kids that are kind and well mannered (most times) in public. I entertain my husband daily with my antics and my lack of housekeeping abilities. I am a great daughter that now worries more about her parents staying out too late and drinking too much at parties. I am an awesome sister that is always willing to call her brother out on his ridiculous need to play remote control commando during holidays. I am a good friend that is willing to drink wine with you and tell you exactly what you need to hear in your times of need. I will also judge other people on the playground harshly to make you feel better about your parenting and expect the same in return. Also, I write a pretty funny Mommy blog that is about to go viral (if it is in writing it must be true, right?) So enough of this nonsense! I don’t need a stinking Christmas card to show my worth. I will just go for the funny! Here is this year’s card:

This card was made by the amazing Alisa at Creatively Engaged check her out! http://www.creativelyengaged.com/

Privacy Please!

December 5, 2012 by amushro

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So what is this one saying to you?

These kiddos sure are cute!

Look at them munching on those apples!

Just precious!

Why doesn’t that kid have pants on?

What you don’t realize is that this picture wasn’t just any adorable moment captured in time. No, this particular photo was taken in my bathroom when I was trying to pee. A little privacy for mom? No way. These two creeps followed me into the potty, snacks in hand, and sat down ready for bonding time. Grossed out? You must not be a parent because if you were, you would say, “Yup, happens here every day.”

Do I often take photos from the loo? Uhhh, no, but I think it helped illustrate my point.

When we first potty trained Monkey he would scream “Get OUUUUUTTTTT, Mooommmmyyy.” We have since adjusted his rants to “privacy, please,” but the effect is still the same. He asks and we beat it out of the john so the little dude can take care of business without an audience. So why can’t Mommy get the same respect?

In all seriousness, when can I escape to the ladies room without a parade of kids? I have actually had arguments with my husband where I tell him, “At least you can go to the bathroom any time of day and not have kids and a dog follow you in.” Of course this is ridiculous, and of course he has no come back… because it is true.

Now when I signed up to be a stay-at-home mom, no just a mom in general, I had no idea that I would have such little privacy. During one bathroom break, Mimi actually rested her chin on my knee, gazed up to me with a sweet angelic face and said “Hi, Mamma.” Adorable, right? No! Disgusting and wrong! Enough already! Move it along, kids.

As Monkey and Mimi grow and become more independent, I get that they will want to spend less and less time with me. However, I can assure you taking back the bathroom and a little “me” time while in there will not be an event I shed a tear over. I may cry when they don’t want to walk next to me at the mall. I will surely cry when they don’t want to hold my hand in public. I WILL NOT cry when they stop following me into the bathroom. Because we all deserve a little peace in our pee.