Friends

With a Little Help From My Friends

February 5, 2013 by amushro

Last week I shared with you my excitement over my impending girls weekend. While the week leading up to our mommy getaway seemed to drag on, the actual weekend flew by, sigh. Isn’t that how it always works? I’m not sure if it was the extra sleep, extra wine, extra calories, or extra laughs, but I am feeling all insightful today. Here are the ten things I learned from a girls weekend away from kiddos.

1. Always pack the essentials: booze, forbidden snacks, and small purses when you are away from your kids

2. The ban on talking about your kids will be broken about fifteen minutes into the trip

3. Even if you are all looking smokin’ hot in your skinny jeans and high black boots, you will never feel as uncool as when you roll up to a club in a mini-van full of Mommies.

4.If a brave young man tries to approach you and your gal pals while at a bar, he will be horrified and shocked by the number of children that have been produced by the ladies at the table. Point and laugh as he makes his escape. You might actually see a cloud of smoke forming at his feet because he is running so fast.

5. Don’t bother calling your husband for updates on the kids. You have left them in his care and you cannot control their eating, lack of eating, naps, lack of naps, bad hair, and unbrushed teeth. They will survive and so will you.

6. If we really wanted to solve all of the world’s problems, we would put a bunch of mommies in a car for several hours and let them hash it out. Boom—world peace

7. Never complain about spa time. Maybe you have a chatty masseuse or one that lacks all social graces. Maybe your manicure came out lousy. Maybe there was an error in booking and you end up in a couples massage with your very pregnant friend Coco where you scream “Don’t look at my belly,” and she replies “Don’t look at my belly.” Just quickly get under the covers, assume they don’t think she is carrying your child, kill the laughter, and just enjoy the fact you are getting your back rubbed for an hour.

8. Always drink lots of wine while helping your friends name their unborn children. You will come up with gems like this:

Channing Tatum= sexy

Paul Tatum= just dropped quite a few on the sexy list

9. Because you were so excited, your bags were packed and sitting at the door the morning you left. Just like your bags are packed sitting at the door ready to leave on Sunday. Get me home to my babies!

10. Time with your gals is essential. Everyone needs a break and time away will make you a better mother. However, there is no place like home and nothing better than kissing your babies when you come back refreshed and ready to tackle this mommy thing all over again or at least until the next trip!

Last chance to enter my Stella and Dot “Courage” Bracelet giveaway! Just click here to enter

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Mammas Just Wanna Have Fun

January 28, 2013 by amushro

It seems like the entire country is gearing up for Super Bowl Sunday by making cocktail weenies and football shaped cheese balls. Well good for you because this lady could care less about the game for two reasons:

I am originally from Pittsburgh, so for me, football season has been over for quite some time. Bitter much you say? You betcha!
This weekend is my annual Girls Weekend Away! Cue the music and confetti!!

That’s right folks, this weekend this lady and five of my favorite Mommy gal pals are ditching our kids with our Baby Daddies and hitting the road. Between the six of us, we have 13 kids and we are letting our husbands fend for themselves. Well actually, my in-laws will come swooping over when I am out of town to make sure the kids don’t go all Lord of the Flies on my husband.

Now I know what you are thinking, this trip is going to be a bar hopping, booze filled, Girls Gone Wild weekend, right? Ummm, no. Get your mind out of the gutter. Did you miss the part about 13 kids? Also we have two preggers on the trip, or as I like to call them, the friends that will drive me home after too many cocktails.

This weekend will be filled with wine, hours at the spa, yummy dinners, girl talk, and sleeping in. So I asked my ladies what excites them the most about a girls only weekend and of course their answers didn’t disappoint!

I really don’t know which part I am most excited about, but today it might be the sleeping in. Monkey has been waking up super early and he must realize that he needs to do something so amazingly adorable or I will send his cute tush back to bed. So his new trick is to quietly (not so quietly because I hear him come in my room) dig through my jewelry box and select something shiny. Then he brings it over to his sleeping Mamma and says, “Mommy, I got this present for you. Do you love it?” Because I am a silly sucker for my boy, I act surprised and tell him how much I love the ring, bracelet, random broken earring he has picked out. I guess there are worse ways to be woken up.

While I can’t wait to sleep without someone in footie pajamas waking me from my much needed beauty sleep, my buddy D-Love is looking forward to a weekend of peanut butter.

When you are a mom, you have to make sacrifices and sometimes those sacrifices just suck. For D-Love, her daughter’s peanut allergy has forced her to ban all peanut products from her house to ensure her little lady’s health—good mommy. But not this weekend! Bring on the peanut butter, D-Love because you deserve it! So when we are packing snacks for the weekend, D-Love’s only request was that it contains the forbidden fruit.

I really don’t know how she does it. Since I eat my stress, I can usually be found diving into a jar of peanut butter when I have a crappy day or the kids are working my last nerve. Rather than shouting “You kids are driving me to drink.” I yell “You kids are driving me to eat this entire jar of peanut butter.”

My DD for the weekend and traveling partner Coco is most excited about listening and singing along to really loud and profane rap music. Without little ears in the car, it is going to be a Biggie and Tupac kind of road trip. Even if this weekend is a bust, watching a pregnant Coco sing “All Eyes on Me”–worth it’s weight in gold.

Packing should be easy for Ms. Raven because she is only bringing a very, very tiny purse. You know, the kind you CAN’T fit a diaper, sippy cup, lollipops, wipes, toys, and snacks in. Ahhhh, how liberating

Really we are easy women to please, take the adorably pregnant Lemon. She is thrilled she won’t have to cut up anyone’s food and can speak without a kid interrupting 574,039 times. While Clear-Eyes is going to enjoy a weekend with a cellphone and iPad not covered in crumbs, slobber, or snot, and of course, the elusive moments of privacy in the bathroom. Glorious!

I am a firm believer in Girls Weekends. They are an investment in yourself, in your friendships, and your sanity. It gives you just enough time to relax and recharge. It also gives your husband just enough time to realize that you are superwoman and he and the kids would be lost without you. So pack your bags, grab the wine, and let’s hit the road, ladies!

So how about a giveaway? In honor of girlfriends that make your life better, easier, and happier I am giving away a beautiful Stella and Dot “Courage” bracelet. The wonderful Kelly Smith, Stella and Dot Stylist (also my personal bestie and Mimi’s Godmother!) has graciously given Questionable Choices in Parenting this gorgeous bracelet to be given to one of my readers!

So click this link of for your chance to win! The lucky winner will be announced on 2/11/2013
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Back That Thing Up

January 1, 2013 by amushro

Sex and the City is one of my all-time favorite shows. While I love Carrie Bradshaw, she and I only have a few things in common: we both have big, curly hair, we both think Mr. Big is a dreamboat and that Aiden is a hotty, and we don’t back up our stuff. Do you remember this scene?

While she was mourning her computer, I was mourning the loss of my iPhone. This all started with potty training. So in reality, it is potty training’s fault….not mine.

Potty training can be really difficult for some kids; however, Monkey was the easiest kid to potty train, and it had nothing to do with me or my amazing parenting expertise. One day he marched his little tush into the bathroom, grabbed my iPhone, sat down and the diapers were history.

Monkey would take the phone into the bathroom to do “his business”, but would sit there playing games until I forced him to come out. Sometimes I would let him stay in the bathroom while I did the dishes, drank a cup of coffee, or read one of my smutty books. He was happy, I was happy and Mimi was so little at the time she was easily entertained with some random flashing toy. Life was good.

One of the worst sounds I ever heard was a splash followed by “Uh oh!” The phone was swimming in the toilet.

I quickly scooped the phone out of the water and did everything you are not supposed to do: panic, turn the phone on and off, cry, turn it on again, curse, and cry more. Just to throw salt on my iPhone wound, everyone I came in contact with asked me the same stupid question:

“Didn’t you back up your stuff?”

Uhhhh no, I don’t do that.

What the hell is this iCloud? How does everyone know about this mysterious cloud but me? Am I really that deep in the child rearing trenches that I don’t know about this technology? Really, if one more person asked me about backing up my stuff, they were getting a punch in the throat. I’m looking at you, snarky salesman at the cellphone store.

I really didn’t care that the phone was a goner, or that I was going to shell out $$$ to get a new phone. What devastated me was the fact that all of the photos and videos were gone. Never mind the fact that we have an expensive camera and video camera sitting somewhere in this house; I was literally documenting the kids’ life on that phone. Well mostly just little Mimi (you know, second kid and all).

I wept over that stupid phone. Losing videos of my sweet Mimi and her first few months of life just so I could get a few minutes of peace while my kid sat on the john made me feel like the Worst. Mother. Ever.

Actually here is another thing that Carrie Bradshaw and I have in common: we have super, amazing friends that help us out in our time of need.

I passed the phone on to my bestie, a genius in computer forensics. If she could find obscure pieces of information on cell phones of bad guys, surely she could find my videos of Mimi cooing. Apparently things didn’t look good, but she would keep trying.

This phone disaster actually happened about a year ago, so all hope had been lost, but sometimes you get super lucky and pick friends that not only have amazing shoe collections, a totally awesome dance to “Push It”, but also useful skills. This week my BFF handed me a DVD with everything she recovered from my phone! She explained how she did it, but I was too stunned that I blocked out all of her CSI type jargon in order to look at what once was lost.

There were gems like this:

So what did I learn from these Questionable Choices in Parenting?

Back up your stuff, Y’all!
Get a BFF with cellphone superpowers STAT
Take some time for yourself to drink that coffee and read that smut. Just make sure your kid isn’t near water
Watching the edited version of Sex and the City on stations like TBS is just wrong. This has nothing to do with the cellphone mess, but it is an important lesson none the less

Oh Christmas Card, Oh Christmas Card

December 21, 2012 by amushro

Stop complaining about how much you hate sending out Christmas cards. I know you are lying. OK, it can be a pain trying to get the entire family (kids and/or dogs) to look at the camera at the same time. Maybe you have a family member with the Chandler Bing picture smile? I do, but I refuse to reveal his identity (it may or may not be the man that I married, shhhhh….) Maybe you have one of those kids that will inevitably be dirty two seconds before you need them to say “ccchhheeessseee”? Yes, addressing the envelopes is time consuming. Just drink wine while you work. Do you fear of envelope licking poison? Stop watching Seinfeld.

And who the hell knows how much a freaking stamp is these days? All of these things combined can make the Christmas card quite the ordeal.

Well tough because everyone loves the dang cards. Especially me! Who doesn’t love to show off your adorable family in a festive card?It makes my day to get a Merry Christmas from a friend I haven’t seen all year. Those pain in the ass cards give me the warm fuzzies, but can I share a little secret with you? Sometimes when I look into the future, I get a little nervous about the card. Here’s why: I am really afraid I will have nothing to add to the card. Let me explain. One of my favorite types of cards is the family update newsletter. The entire family has a little paragraph that updates everyone on the accomplishments and goings on in their life that year. If our family had a newsletter, hubby’s paragraph would talk about his dedication to his job and the 372,384,926 football games he attended this fall. Monkey’s paragraph would discuss his love of preschool and his favorite classes, yoga and science–yoga in preschool, ridic, right? He is also taking piano lessons that his mother fears he will later use this talent to pick up chicks. Mimi’s would need to discuss her love of gym and music class and focus on her famed Mimi booty shake dance. Imagine an 18-month-old dropping it like it is hot—it’s pretty hilar. Then there is me. My paragraph would go something like this,” Ummm… well, uh. Hmmm.” What could I share with the world? I was used as a human tissue eight times today. Some days I am amazed at how long it has been since my last shower. I can name that kid’s show in three notes and I am a wiz at getting chocolate milk out of the laundry. Nothing ground breaking there. Maybe my day-to-day life isn’t paragraph worthy. I could just share what I contribute to our little world. How could that go over? Here is what I would share: I make dam cute kids that are kind and well mannered (most times) in public. I entertain my husband daily with my antics and my lack of housekeeping abilities. I am a great daughter that now worries more about her parents staying out too late and drinking too much at parties. I am an awesome sister that is always willing to call her brother out on his ridiculous need to play remote control commando during holidays. I am a good friend that is willing to drink wine with you and tell you exactly what you need to hear in your times of need. I will also judge other people on the playground harshly to make you feel better about your parenting and expect the same in return. Also, I write a pretty funny Mommy blog that is about to go viral (if it is in writing it must be true, right?) So enough of this nonsense! I don’t need a stinking Christmas card to show my worth. I will just go for the funny! Here is this year’s card:

This card was made by the amazing Alisa at Creatively Engaged check her out! http://www.creativelyengaged.com/