Questionable Choices in Parenting
Laughing at life as a parent so they don't commit me
With just a few days left until Christmas, I’m over on TLC with a few Holiday Hacks to make giving DIY gifts super easy and sparkly! These glitter lanterns are so pretty and would be perfect as holiday decor or as part of a gift for everyone on your good list! Happy Holidays!
A year ago today I nervously pushed “publish” on my very first blog post. I was sure that only my mom would read my ramblings and maybe my husband would swing by every now and then because he is legally bound to me and I threatened to hide secret messages in each blog if he didn’t “I spent $300 at Target today–Don’t be mad” But what a difference a year makes! Much like Mother’s Day, I am taking this day very seriously, because I earned this day. Sure my birthday is great, but all I had to do was be born to claim that day. But now this day is so very special to me because my silly little blog has grown from a funny way to document my kids’ lives and our adventures together to being featured on other sites, new readers every day, so many amazing blogging buddies, and a little something this Mamma can call her own.
So in honor of my first blogiversary, I’m hitting up the holy trinity–cake, Starbucks, and wine, and I’m sharing my ten favorite posts from this past year. If you are new around here, check them out, laugh a little, and maybe give me a back rub, whatever. If you’ve been hanging around here from the start (read: my mom) take a look at a few oldies but goodies and feel free to say “That Amanda, she is a HOOT!” Either way, here they are!
1. You all know that I think my little boy hung the moon, but I had no idea I was “that mom” until he became smitten with a little girl. It’s Just a Little Crush, but I am SO Not Ready For it!
2. I’ve loved Howard Stern for years, but when I had kids, it was time to end our relationship. I wonder if he misses me? Babba Booey!
3. One time I did a little self diagnosis and ended up with balls. Yes balls! P.S. Everything is cool down there now but there was The Day I Had Balls
4. This one is always Hubby’s favorite. It’s only funny because it’s true. Check out our Irreconcilable Holiday Differences
5. Being a Mom is freaking hard! But this lists is a great reminder that Parenting: Five Ways I Know I’m Doing It Right
6. I’m the shameful owner of a tramp stamp, but it sounds like many of you are too. Here are my Confessions of a Mommy and Her Tramp Stamp
7. I was boo-hooing that the terrible twos are going to be the death of me. It seems many of you are there too: Terrible Twos Aren’t So Bad and Other Lies I tell Myself
8. Mimi makes a ballet leotard look good; however, my “free spirited”gal has a mind of her own. Sit Down Tiny Dancer
9. One of the joys of being a mom of little ones is that you are NEVER, EVER, EVER alone. Take for instance: Lean on Me. Actually Don’t Get Off Me
10. I spent years watching Beverly Hills 90210 and it finally paid off when I wrote about all of the important lessons you learn from that amazing show because Jason Priestley actually retweeted my post! I always did love Brandon! This post was also featured on the amazing Scary Mommy’s site. Not too shabby for a newbie at blogging. So here is my all time favorite post: All I need to Know I Learned from 90210
So here’s to an AMAZING first year of blogging and many more to come!
Pacifier addiction is a real and very serious issue. It effects millions of families each year. That is why I am hanging out with Kim from One Classy Motha to share my story about paci addiction and how my latest invention can help those in your family suffering from pacifier addiction. Click here to find me.
After you read my post, click around and check out what is going on at One Classy Motha; seriously she is a HOOT and you will thank me later.
Friends, you may need to help me out because I’m a bit woozy from lack of food. You see, my class reunion is right around the corner and I am hoping that what “baby weight” (use this term loosely when the “baby” is two) that isn’t squeezed in by the almighty Spanx, will magically disappear if I eat a lot of Lean Cuisines this week. I was doing well until I baked cookies with the kids. DAM YOU CHOCOLATE CHIPS!!!
This week’s vlog is a magic bag of randomness, but I like it. Be sure to catch the giveaway, book selections, and my super secret recipe below!
Want to enter the giveaway? Then click right here!
Here are my book selections:
I’ve started a new career and wanted to share it with all of you. If you’re in need of my services, no need to fear, I’m cheap! Look, I even made up a new business card for myself. Check it out:
That’s right, folks, I’m adding Professional Playground Inspector to my resume of Mamma, Diet Coke addict, human tissue, yoga pants enthusiast, and blogger.
Since we spend a vast majority of our time frequenting the local playgrounds, I have acquired the ability to access any playground and tell you in 30 seconds which devices will lead to a trip to the ER, magic mommy kisses, or Mamma wanting to add wine to her water bottle.
Now don’t you fret, I’m not one of those panicked moms that follows her kids around the playground wringing her hands and yelling things like “Not too high, sweetie” and “Be safe!!! Mommy LOVES YOU!”
My kids are the ones that hit the mulch running when they are faced with a tot lot, but I’ve learned a few things while building my Playground Inspector career; after all, I have a four-year old with a Superman complex (for real, he tries to fly) and an Evil Knievel wanna-be two-year old.
Here are the top three offenders:
While The Bridge of Death may seem harmless, don’t let its gentle downward slope fool you. Both of my kids have face planted on this bridge when they’ve run too fast or tried to get around another playgrounder. If you are out early in the morning and the fresh dew is still sparkling on the equipment, be prepared to have that hole pattern etched into your precious one’s face.
The Tunnel of Terror may seem like the typical slide, but be warned that it’s so much more. This slide has the ability to gain so much momentum and speed that your child will come flying down the tube faster than a greased pig racing downhill. So get into your catcher’s stance and be prepared to lasso your rocketed child at the bottom.
The Drop of Doom has claimed many victims. Sometimes it’s the ones with short legs, but also the ones with short attention spans. “Let’s climb to the top and….oh wait, is that a shiny rock…” Tricky, tricky, tricky.
Now it’s time for you to lace up those sneakers (or attach the velcro on your kid’s shoes), pack some Goldfish crackers and water bottles, and have fun at the playground. Just proceed with caution and remember my warnings, friends. Remember, I am a professional.
Now it’s your turn! Is there a part of the playground you steer your kids from?
I really wasn’t a germaphobe until I had kids. I mean I’ve seen what germs can do when they steamroll through an entire family. As a parent, you feel terrible when your little ones are sick. If your husband is under the weather, the word is ending (according to him), and if Mamma gets sick, well, this ship is going down.
So because of these nasty germs that invade us in so many ways, I’m constantly preaching and practicing cover your mouth when you cough and wash your hands to everyone in this house.
So imagine my shock, surprise and gag reflex when I was watching Dr. Oz discuss germs and bacteria inside your home. He said the “normal” amount of bacteria for a surface is around 80, but our toothbrushes usually contain double that amount. If you’re headed straight the your bathroom to throw your toothbrush away, I’ll wait.
You’re back? Oh good because I have something that may make you feel better about the yuckies on your family’s toothbrushes. These silly fools and their #FabSmile
Sometimes brushing my kids’ teeth can be a little “interesting” actually it feels more like a wrestling match, but they do have the sweetest smiles. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do just to see these munchkins say “cheeeeessseee” for the camera.
So that is why FlossAndBrush.com has actually helped me out by easing some of my germ fears and making my life a little easier.
The American Dental Association recommends replacing your toothbrush every three months. FlossAndBrush.com makes it easy to always have new toothbrushes every three months for everyone in your family. By paying just $1.00 per month, per person in your family, FlossAndBrush.com will ship a box of fresh, quality toothbrushes and floss to your home – one for each member of your family.
Unless you are some sort of amazing coupon queen, you can’t beat this deal. Plus each time you receive a delivery, you know it’s time to change out your family’s toothbrushes. A great deal and helpful? Yes please!
FlossandBrush.com is actually the first company to offer this service and you can even add-on teeth whitening gel to your orders. This is always good for those of us that have had a little too much coffee over the years, right?
Here is where it gets good, the GIVEAWAY!
Prize:
The giveaway is valued at $107 and includes the following:
Requirements:
Good luck! The winner will be picked in one week!
If you want to know more about FlossAndBrush.com and their services, you can find them here:
Four years ago the world became a better place and not just because the most miserable pregnant woman in the world no longer had a bun in the oven, but because my sweet boy came into this world and made it a little kinder and sweeter.
In celebration of my first born’s birthday, I’ve been thinking about the four short years he’s been hanging around this joint and how it seems like a lifetime of knowing him. After all, he is pretty awesome.
After the obvious announcement of “It’s a boy!” the doctor added “Wow! That is the cleanest baby I’ve ever seen!” Weird thing to say to a brand new Mamma, right? Somehow I thought these words would be some sort of prophesy and I would have the cleanest kid around. Nope, didn’t happen. We should have named that kid Pig-Pen because rarely is there a day when he doesn’t have a chocolate milk mustache or dirt covering some area of his body. Dirtball.
When the doctor laid a tiny, dark hair, dark eyed, olive skinned baby on my chest, I was instantly and madly in love with this little boy. He was perfection. Interesting, I thought, while gazing at his beautiful face, I produce middle eastern children. Hubby’s Lebanese heritage had clearly trumped my own genes.
Turns out the kid was just a little jaundice, and after a few feedings and a couple of good poops, this is who we ended up with. Handsome little devil, huh?
My boy is a hoot! He has a sharp sense of humor and the best comedic timing. His ability to make his Mamma laugh has saved his cute butt from many trips to time out. While it’s clear he is going to be a hit in college, I’m a little nervous about the reasons why. He’s smart, adorable, and funny, plus chicks dig him. But he’s really going to catch the eye of the ladies with his Frank the Tank tendencies.
The kid really loves being naked and rarely walks out of the potty with anything other than socks on his feet. To be honest, his balls have probably touched every surface of this house. Since I’ve already told you that I am a crap housekeeper, and if balls skeeve you out, well, just don’t sit on our couch, OK?
Naked antics aside, he really is the kindest little boy and has such a huge heart. He will cover your face with kisses, tell you he will love your forever 934 times a day (and mean it every. single. time), and gives the best hugs.Not that lame side hug or hugs with hands at his side, but real honest to goodness hugs. Hugs that melt my little black heart because he is a little gem and he is all mine! OK, I shall share him with Hubby (but he’s mostly mine).
He can’t bare to see people hurting or sad. Most Disney movies are banned from our viewing list because the sad parts wreck him for days. He is the first one to offer hugs to a friend in need.
He is a gentle boy with a good, good heart and I when I think about that good heart I just know that some horrible girl is going to break it into a million little pieces. My blood boils because I will be powerless to do anything. Well, I may scratch her eyes out, in my head anyway.
Sometimes I think I ended up with this gentle boy and his kind heart because I was a real creep to the guys I dated a million years ago. Is this karma’s idea of payback?
Maybe karma didn’t count on me being this crazy in love and obsessed with my boy. Is it possible to love your kids too much? Nope…no way. Not when they are this fabulous. So here’s to the most amazing four years with my lovebug and a lifetime more!
Today I am over at the DC Ladies talking about summer flying by. SLOW DOWN SUMMER!!! Do you panic around this time of year? Have you done everything on your summer to-do list?
My running shoes and I have had an on again/off again relationship for about fifteen years. Our relationship has been complicated and filled with angst, heartbreak, and infidelity. While my shoes have been true blue, I have a cheating heart. Sometimes it was with others that I thought were better for me: yoga, aerobics, and that short lived affair in college with Tae-Bo. But usually it was just lust that pulled me away: late night nachos, cold winter weather, more sleep. But no matter how long I strayed, I always come back to my running shoes. While she welcomes me back with open laces, she punishes me for leaving her behind. The longer I’ve been gone, the longer it takes me to get back to where we were.
Most days I don’t enjoy running.
I run against traffic rather than with it: rebel
I hate the idea of running in a group and only run alone: solo
I sing really loud while I run: tone deaf
I spit while I run: camel
Maybe my running shoes don’t like me either or we aren’t compatible because I’ve never felt that “runner’s high.” But for some reason running and I just work. We always have, always will.
I don’t aspire to run in a marathon or even the local 5K. No medals or time trials for this gal. I just want to be comfortable in my skin, my new skin. The skin that has been stretched and pulled. The hips that have spread. The body that has created, nourished, and carried my two greatest achievements. More than fitting into my jeans, I want my daughter to feel good in her skin. Better than I feel in my own.
My little girl has the most delicious kneecaps and bitable thighs. I adore her round arms and the belly that hangs over her diaper. While admiring my precious baby, I started to ponder when do we stop loving chunky thighs on girls and start to dislike them? It was then that I realized that my running shoes mean more than this skin. Because my skin is a reflection of how she will see her own. I would die a thousand deaths if I thought I contributed to an unhealthy body image for that sweet, sweet girl.
Enough of the excuses and hiding my running shoes in the back of my closet.
I’ve been on a diet since I was 18. That’s when I started college and stopped running the first time. I started packing on the pounds, and the breakups and makeups with my running shoes started. The scale would go up, the running shoes and I would have another go ’round. Then numbers of the scale would fall, and I would tell my running shoes we were “on a break”.
But this time it’s different. I think we are going to make it this time. This time it’s not just about the weight on the scale or my fear of saddlebags. This time it means a lot more.
So I will eat ice cream with my kids, but I will also put them in the jogging stroller with me while I count the miles under my feet. I will entertain them with lollipops and sing them songs to get more time on the road. And I will teach my daughter to love the skin she is in because I created that skin and it is perfection.
So let’s try this relationship again, running shoes. I thought about quoting a Taylor Swift song or maybe The Notebook to win you back, but you’ve never needed hearts and flowers, just me, my bad singing, and the road.