kids — Page 3

Come Hell or High Waters

March 1, 2013 by amushro

This is how I sent my boy to school today:

First, pay no attention to the mismatched socks; today was “crazy sock day.”

Look again. Did Monkey’s school have a flood? Are those shorts or pants? Did his pants shrink? Nope, none of those are the issue. So why, oh why would I send my boy off to his fancy smancy preschool in those ridiculous pants? Well here is my sad, sorry, Questionable Choices in Parenting answer: The kid just won’t stop growing. Apparently all you need is lots of macaroni and cheese and chocolate milk to have HUGE growth spurts because that is all this kid consumes. Monkey has always been super tall, but recently he has shot up and become quite the beef cake. Actually he is more long and lean, and now here we are, just a few weeks from spring and warm weather, and this kid has zero clothes that fit him.

So you are thinking I should just head out and buy him more clothes, right? Wrong! I refuse, REFUSE to buy this kid a whole new wardrobe now! In a few short weeks we will ditch his too short pants and shirt sleeves that don’t come even close to touching his wrists for spring playground gear: t-shirts, shorts, bug spray, sunblock, mud and mulch. I won’t waste money on pants this kid will wear for less than two months. So he will just walk around looking like a fool because his mom is too cheap to buy him new pants.

I know this probably sounds bad, but if he was say 13 and he had this growing problem, I would totally rush out to all of the cool and hip stores to shop for him. I will take my flashlight to walk through the darkness of Hollister, I will use ear plugs to protect my hearing from the blasting tunes while I peruse American Eagle, and I will completely embarrass him while wearing a gas mask to prevent convulsions from inhaling too many cologne fumes that waft from Abercrombie and Fitch.

Those teenager years are rough enough and no one needs their cheap mother messing up their style. However, if he does look like a fool with too short pants, no girls will want to date him. Hmmmmmm…. I may be on to something here. I am getting off track. My point here is he is only three and I am sure no one (except the other parents, and the teachers, and the school administrators—oh man I am really weakening my argument here, huh) will see him in these ridiculous pants.

You are judging me, right? You think I should go out and buy him some new clothes, right? Fine! You win. I will break down and get the kid a few things to survive these last few weeks of winter weather. If nothing else, the trip to the mall will provide hours of blog fodder!

Be sure to enter my giveaway with Pretty in Pink Designs for an adorable tutu and Easter headband. Click the link and enter today!

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Time Out During Timeouts

February 27, 2013 by amushro

This is Mimi:

And this is Mimi in timeout:

At the ripe old age of twenty months, we have decided that if this rule breaker is old enough to swim in the dog’s water fourteen times after being told to knock it off and if she continues to go all Picasso on the walls with crayons, she is old enough for timeout.

As you can see from the picture, timeouts are a bit trying….for all of us. However, I will continue to put her cute butt in timeout when she misbehaves and throws epic temper tantrums. In order to pass the time while she is being defiant and living up to her name of Screaming Mimi, I will not contemplate selling her on Craigslist. No friends, I will think about the future.

If this was a movie, the screen would get all blurry and wavy so that you know we are jumping to the future.

I imagine Mimi and I strolling through The American Girl store while laughing and holding hands as we select overpriced doll accessories that she MUST have.

Now she is headed off to her first day of kindergarten and I am weeping into a hankie (must remember to purchase a hankie for that day). She turns before she steps on the bus, her pigtails swinging in the sun, and says “Don’t worry Mommy, I love you and will be home soon.”

Jump ahead a few more years and we are dress shopping for her prom. Notice how she picks out a totally age appropriate dress. Isn’t she lovely?

Oh look, we are planning her wedding to the man of her dreams. That sweet girl let’s her mother go crazy and choose the flowers and the meal because, after all, mother knows best and her mother-in-law pales in comparison.

Oh yes, Mimi has a family of her own. She looks tired and weary. It looks like she is ready to cry, but she stops herself and calls me to say, “Wow Mom! I just don’t know how you did it. You were the most amazing mother ever.”

Now jump years and years into the future and my sweet girl is taking her dear old Mom to Atlantic City. See how she carefully pushes my wheelchair up to the slot machines. What a good girl!

What is this? Oh that sweet girl is taking care of her mom in a nursing home by following her mother’s step-by-step instructions of making sure I always have a fresh manicure, my upper lip is always waxed, and she plucks those few errand hairs on my chin. That darling Mimi knows her brother would never do these things and we shook hands years ago that she would keep me looking good.

Aaaaand the temper tantrum is over! Breathe in and out. We have survived yet another timeout episode and we are all better for it. That nice flash into the future should help us get through the day or last until the next time out.

Be sure to enter the custom tutu and Easter headband from the amazing Lindsay from Pretty in Pink Designs! Click the link below!
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Meet and Greet

February 19, 2013 by amushro

Roll call, roll call! Let’s all scream as we introduce our team. Let’s multi-task, shall we? Since today is my birthday and there are so many new readers thanks to Scary Mommy, let’s get better acquainted. These questions came to me from the crazy funny Stephanie from When Crazy Meets Exhaustion and they came to her from the hysterical Marcia from Menopausal Mother. Here we go!

1. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

An itty-bitty town outside of Pittsburgh, PA. Tina Fey clearly used this town as her inspiration for Mean Girls. Sadly, I was a total Gretchen Wieners without the whole “My dad invented Toaster Strudel.”

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER SOMEONE?

My older brother napped during Guiding Light, so that was the only show my mom watched. There was a character named Amanda. Eventually she went crazy and ended up in an insane asylum, but my mom thought it was such a beautiful and different name. Guess everyone else did too because it was the #1 name the year I was born. Not too original there, Mom.

3. IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE?

Two kiddos- Monkey and Mimi. Here are they are with bed head but sharing the iPad. Sharing is caring.

4. HOW MANY PETS DO YOU HAVE?

One dog- Suggie, the original baby. Here is a picture of her trying to eat a cookie in my bag, but she almost hung herself in the process. I get it, Suggie. I feel the same way about cookies

5. YOUR WORST INJURY?

Well the whole birth thing wasn’t a walk in the park. You know, the part of pushing a kid out of your va-jay-jay. Other than that, I would say falling off a bar (graceful) while in Cancun on spring break and breaking my foot was pretty nasty. I had to hobble around on a broken foot for a week in another country #survivor

6. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

Besides making beautiful children? Lame TV trivia that was useless until a few weeks ago when I wrote a blog about life lessons in 90210. Jason Priestly retweeted it and it was on Scary Mommy!—Welcome to the big leagues, folks!

7. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING TO BAKE?

My great aunt’s fudge recipes. Not going to lie, they are a little bite of heaven.

8. FAVORITE FAST FOOD?

Any and all! Just gave it up for Lent because I was stopping for fries a little too often lately.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Pre-kids, yes. Post kids, HELL NO! I can barely get on a roller coaster without updating my will and fearing my husband will remarry some evil step-mother that will be raising my kids

10. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

If they are wearing the mom uniform—yoga pants, ponytail, someone else’s food on their shirt, stickers on their butt.

11. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Honey, I cry every day. I am an emotional basket case. I cry when I am happy, sad, angry, frustrated. If there is an emotion, I am usually crying.

12. ANY CURRENT WORRIES?

Non-stop—my kids, hubby, parents, selling our house, finding a house, will I need Botox this year…

13. NAME 3 DRINKS THAT YOU DRINK REGULARLY:

Coffee. Wine. Diet Coke- the Holy Trinity

14. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BOOK?

Not going to lie, I love Mommy Porn. If you need some smutty titles, come see me. I’m like the romance drug dealer around these parts. No one wants to talk about it, but they come to me for the good stuff.

15. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A PIRATE?

Is Johnny Depp on my boat? If so, yes. Otherwise, I’ll pass

16. FAVORITE SMELLS?

The beach, my kids heads, my husband’s shirts—the clean ones, not the ones he has worn all day—gross

17. WHY DO YOU BLOG?

I am crap at keeping scrapbooks and baby books and sometimes I am funny—Questionable Choices in Parenting was born!

18. WHAT SONG DO YOU WANT PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Lots of show tunes to liven up the joint. Like A Chorus Line’s “One, Singular Sensation.”

19. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

Staying in touch with my friends and family. However, a million different types of social media have helped. If I like your status on Facebook, it should be the equivalent to me calling you and saying “hi.”

20. FAVORITE HOBBY?

Reading smutty books—you know want to read them too. Everyone is doing it. You know where to find me…

21. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND?

Sarcasm, an appreciation for Howard Stern, and a love of wine

22. NAME SOMETHING YOU’VE DONE THAT YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D DO:

Here’s the thing, I am pretty ballsy with a few cocktails, so I would go out on a limb and say I have done a lot that would shock people; however, my Dad and Mom read my blog religiously and I already got some flack for talking about shaving my girly parts. So let’s just walk away from this one, shall we?

23. FAVORITE FUN THINGS TO DO?

Beach, beach, beach with my kids, and beach.

24. ANY PET PEEVES?

People who have political rants on Facebook. Seriously, shut up. If you are so fired up all the time, go run for office or make that move to another country. Go back to posting your lunch and pictures of your kids.

25. WHAT’S THE LAST THING THAT MADE YOU LAUGH?

I found this gem on Pinterest and was laughing so hard my husband left the room:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/funniest-youtube-comments-of-the-year

And this HILARIOUS post by Kerri from HouseTalkN. I may have peed myself with #9.

http://www.scarymommy.com/when-assholes-criticize-public-breastfeeding/

So there you go, 25 burning questions answered about me! Make me a happy girl and take a one of the questions and answer it on my comments or on my Facebook page, OK? Remember, sharing is caring!

Good Luck Moving Up Cause I’m Moving Out!

February 18, 2013 by amushro

Yesterday morning I looked out my front window and saw two men digging a hole in my front yard. Without even thinking, I stormed out the front door in my PJs, no shoes, no bra, and all of my early morning glory. Stomping up to the two men, I didn’t even fire a warning shot before I started to berate them by yelling “Whatever the hell you are doing, you better clean this mess up because we are putting our house on the market in a few days, and I will not have this yard looking like crap.” Without so much as a response from the two confused men, I stomped back to the house and, for extra effect, I slammed the front door.

About three minutes after my explosion, Hubby informed me that those two men just put up a for sale sign in the front yard. While I assumed they were some annoying utilities workers ripping up my front yard, they were making what we had known for months official: our house is for sale.

After sheepishly apologizing to the men for my crazed rant, I tried to explain how stressful it has been getting the house ready to sell, with kids no less! Then I remembered I wasn’t wearing a bra and decided a simple “Sorry, I’m a wack job” would suffice.

We haven’t even started the showings of the house yet and I am already flying off the handle at random strangers. I need to simmer down, take deep breaths ,and get a grip before everyone stages an intervention in my spotless, toyless, dustless, take-off-your-shoes-before-you-walk-on-the-carpet-because-I-just-had-them-cleaned living room.

So I am going to be a glass half full gal and look at the positives of preparing and selling your house. And if this doesn’t work, I am gonna need some meds to make it through this.

Don’t threaten to divorce your husband every time he says “Wow, now that most of the toys are gone and we got rid of so much stuff, there is so much room here. We really don’t need to move!” Simply nod and smile at his positive outlook. Remember that he has worked really hard too, and while you deal with stress with wine and sarcasm, he deals with stress by talking like a lunatic. Isn’t he just the cutest thing!
When your cleaning lady informs you she will be out of the country for the next month and you are a poor excuse for a housekeeper, don’t panic! Just tell the entire family they are only allowed in one room of the house—until it is sold. Think of it as camping! Think of all the bonding!
Even though you have moved out 95% of the kids toys and 75% of your belongings to make the house look spacious and roomy for the strangers walking through your house, just know when you exclaim “Look at how much room this house has,” those people did the same thing and their crap made the house small and cramped too.
Since you and the kids will spend lots of time in the car driving around the neighborhood while random strangers are looking in your closets, try not to think about them looking in your underwear drawer,finding the post-pregnancy panties, and running out of the house screaming. No, no, no, just use the car time to play a rousing game of I Spy, sing a few songs, or just run them through McDonalds for a few minutes of peace and quiet.

Well folks, We have a long road ahead of us, and I can’t drop my basket now. Remember when I promised to be kind to this house?

I am going to keep looking at the positives (and drinking lots of wine), but I would LOVE your tips, tricks, or stories about moving! Share in the comments and we can all commiserate together!

Preschool Pyramid Scheme

February 16, 2013 by amushro

This time last year I had preschool on the brain. The county we live in is notoriously competitive in all aspects of education and finger painting and playing in the sandbox while earning your pre-K stripes is no different. I toured numerous schools, researched online for hours, and grilled anyone that had any knowledge of the best preschools in our area. After much stress and deliberation, we picked a preschool that impressed us in every way, but we were floored by the price. Can you get a 529 for preschool?

When hubby saw the tuition bill he was a bit shocked, but I was prepared with an argument that justified each and every penny. Every aspect of this preschool impressed me and I knew it was the right place for Monkey. I was even prepared to give up daily Starbucks trips if that would help sway Hubby to agreeing to the school (yeah right). What I wasn’t prepared for was the preschool pyramid schemes.

First it started with school pictures. Remember when you would get a tiny envelope with an even smaller print of your school picture? Your parents were given a few days to choose which package they wanted and how many wallets and 5x7s they needed to give to grandma. Well it would seem preschools have found a way around kids losing these envelopes or parents forgetting to order this year’s school picture because Monkey’s school sent home a huge package with wallets, 4x6s, 5×7, and 8x10s with a note attached. The note basically said you could pay for the package (if you are a good parent), order more pictures (if you are a great parent), or return all of the pictures (if you are an evil, crap, waste of a parent).

Look at this picture:

Who in their right mind could return any of these? Find me my checkbook! Everyone gets a picture! I am like Oprah but without the car and just a cute kid in his first school picture.

“You get a picture!”

“Everyone gets a ppppiiiicccctttuuuurrreee!”

Of course the school is getting a kickback from suckers like me that can’t bear to not buy every single picture they send home. They are also getting a kickback from the parents that missed the cutoff, were too embarrassed to admit how late they were, and just handed over a check. Brilliant on their part, right?

But the pyramid schemes didn’t end there. This week I received a note that explains each student will submit artwork to a company that will take the work of your Picasso and turn it into a coffee mug, iPad cover, and all sorts of useless crap you don’t need, but guess who will buy it? ME!

My only hope is that he continues the minimalist theme in his artwork, and I won’t have to buy this crap.But if he decides to go a little crazy and actually puts a little effort into his art sample, well then, watch out! I will be getting all Oprah again and handing out travel mugs with Monkey’s handiwork to everyone I meet.

I know it could be worse. The school could ask us to participate in constant fundraisers where I force my mom and dad to buy wrapping paper or frozen cookie dough.

A long time ago (probably after college when I was just hanging out at my parents’ house until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life), my dad promised me he would always pay for three things: my education, my teeth, and my running shoes. You know what, he has kept to that promise. So I will promise Monkey and Mimi that I will always pay for their education (no matter what stage they are in), their teeth (lord help them if they end up with my chompers, it is the least I can do), and all of the silly, overpriced nonsense that comes with school, camps, clubs, Disney on Ice, and anything else that comes ~~at my checkbook~~ our way.

Guest Blogger: When Crazy Meets Exhaustion-Valentine’s Day Special

February 13, 2013 by amushro

A very special treat for my readers! My best blogging buddy, Stephanie from When Crazy Meets Exhaustion has created a Valentine’s Day special post for you! Enjoy and send some love her way!

Well hello there, friends!

When my pal Amanda asked if I would write a little Valentine somethin’ for her to share with you, I was all for it. I mean, I feel right at home here with you, her loyal readers. As proof, I’ve taken off my bra and just helped myself into your fridge.

Wanna know a secret? Amanda and I have only met ONCE! We work together in a virtual school, and the year our daughters were born, we hiked it to a centrally located Olive Garden for some bread stick yumminess and good conversation. Since that day, we’ve been electronically inseparable. She’s dubbed us same-sex soul mates because we have a freaky ton in common: our little boys who own our hearts are about the same age; we were both smitten enough to try for #2 right around the boys’ first birthdays and have been blessed with diva daughters; we’re both English teachers who started our careers in less-than-stellar conditions (you’ve seen Dangerous Minds, yes?). The list goes on, but I’m not here to discuss that list. I’m here to break you off a piece of this:

Valentine’s Day: a reason for lovers to love a little more. Or to massacre a bunch of people in Chicago. But let’s focus on the former, shall we? It’s all chocolate hearts and steamy sex for many couples, but when some of that there steaminess results in a bundle of joy and there’s more coming out of your hooha than going in it, well, shit gets real.

1. Getting ready to be on display in public, formerly known as “primping,” entails much more than a few swipes of mascara and spritzes of hairspray these days. When did those forehead lines get so deep? Is there no concealer on earth that will hide the under eye baggage? And your Spanx aren’t saved for special occasions any more; they’re for any occasion that puts you in the same room as women who do not need the extra suffocation support.

2. You make an early-bird dinner reservation because you want to get into bed as soon as possible. To sleep.

3. You clean your plate at said early-bird dinner because you no longer worry about looking 5-months pregnant with a food baby. That sexy Vicky Secrets get-up has since been replaced by sweatpants.

4. A glass of red will be enough to make you feel hung over in the morning.

5. Try as you might, you and the hubs will talk about the kids for the majority of the evening.

Did you hear our Boy sing the new song he learned at preschool?

YES! He has the voice of an angel.

He really does. I bet he’ll be a doctor and find the cure for cancer, or premature balding. He’s that smart.

And how adorable is he?! I mean, he’s so much cuter than the other kids in his class.

6. You’re obligated to share whatever gifts you receive: your mini-Mariah Carey wants to hold one of your flowers? Give’em up, Mama. Prince Charming insists he sample your chocolate? Get a Wet Wipe–it’s going to get messy up in here.

7. Once the kids have been tucked in and you and your guy could potentially be knocking ‘da boots, you’ll opt to watch CNN because this debt is outta control and, as adults and parents, it is our responsibility to keep abreast of the situation. Abreast. Hehehehe!

8. Even though there was no overnight stay in a luxury hotel and the crab cakes from dinner have given you explosive gas, you will fall asleep in your handsome man’s arms, the proud Mama of perfect children, with a sense of pride and fulfillment that only comes when a woman’s vajayjay has, in fact, become a two-way street.

Happy Heart Day, everyone!

I hope to see you again. Feel free to come take your bra off at my place any time…wait. That just sounds bad.
Link to blog: www.whencrazymeetsexhaustion.com

Link to FB: www.facebook.com/whencrazymeetsexhaustion

Link to Twitter: https://twitter.com/CrazyExhaustion

Returning the Love: How I Plan to Make His Valentine’s Day Not Suck

February 12, 2013 by amushro

Since the shelves at my local pharmacy are lined with heart-shaped boxes of candy, creepy stuffed animals dressed as Cupid, and cards with pictures of dogs holding signs declaring “I woof you,” Valentine’s Day must be a comin’.

In my typical over-the-top-mom fashion, I planned three meals for the kids that will all be heart-shaped, picked out the type of candy that I like best since I will eat ¾ of it, the house will be covered in construction paper hearts, and Monkey and Mimi will receive special Valentine’s Day presents from Mommy and Daddy. *pats self on back*

While I would never dream of not making this a special holiday for my kids, my husband might not get such special attention. It really doesn’t seem fair because he really tries to go out of his way to make my Valentine’s Day special. Here is how it will go: he will send me beautiful flowers because he knows I am a sucker for flowers, he will pull out the big guns and sign them from the kids (I am tearing up already), he will buy me more candy that I will hide from the children and eat in the privacy of my closet, he will take me to a fancy dinner where I will eat too much calorie laden food and drink too much red wine, he will bring me home fat, full, and tipsy where I shall pass out from a food comma and dash all of his hopes of getting a little frisky on this romantic holiday. What a lucky guy, huh?

This year, I promise to put the same effort into his Valentine’s Day as I do the kids’ day. So here goes nothing, this is what he can expect:

1. I promise to shave above the knee and landscape all of my girly parts. I know, I know—you real fancy, girl!

2. When we go out, I am going all out: hair, makeup, nails, pre-baby underwear, and no yoga pants! I also promise to wear a name tag so that you can recognize me. I don’t want to startle you too much with this fancy new me.

3. When we are out to dinner, I will refrain from nagging about the fact that the back yard is a muddy mess, nagging about the garbage cans not taken in the back the same day as trash pickup, nagging about the fact we need to pick a date for our summer vacation, nagging—-OK how about I just shut my trap for the day and put a ban on nagging. Just for one day because I don’t think I could handle more than one day.

4. If we go to a movie, I will let you pick! Go crazy, big guy! Although I really love anything with Bradley Cooper, Jude Law, Channing Tatum, or George Clooney, but you can totally pick the movie. It’s just that I really hate scary movies, but you already know that. But go ahead, you pick. Just nothing that is too long because I will get sleepy. How about nothing with a wizard, elf, or a light saber? OK, go ahead and pick.

5. You can expect to come home to a romantic scene of candlelight and soft music. Just kidding! We have two small kids and I will probably be sleepy by nine o’clock. How about I make you a deal, you get to watch ESPN and I won’t complain? Done!

And that, my friends, is how you keep your husband happy on this romantic holiday!

Liar, Liar Magic Mike’s Pants on Fire

February 8, 2013 by amushro

Do you smell that? Those would be my pants…on fire. According to my kids, I am a big, fat liar. Now I really don’t make it a habit to pull a Pinocchio and lie to everyone; however, my kids seem to turn me into a liar whenever I act like I know them so well. You know the drill, we get my parents on Skype and I tell Mimi to “show them what an elephant does.” Five minutes ago she did her hilarious elephant impression that had us all cracking up, but the second I ask her to show my parents— silence. My poor parents wait anxiously while crowded around their laptop for Mimi to do something, anything. All they get is a blank stare. Awesome.

Monkey is no better. This kid would sooner lose a limb than eat anything green (aside from a Shamrock Shake), but when he is at my in-laws, apparently the kid can’t get enough green beans. What is going on? I would swear up and down he would never eat green beans, and ten minutes later, the kid has eaten his weight beans.

See? Apparently I am a liar.

It would seem that Magic Mike has a way of making my friend Coco a liar too. Oh now, I’ve got your attention, huh.

A few months ago, Coco started her nightly check-in on her two boys. She thought she was going to find her sweet, two-year-old all snuggled in his footie jammies hugging his Big Bird doll. However, she was a shocked to find her boy had pulled a Magic Mike and stripped down butt naked and fell asleep with his little hiney in the air. For a few weeks, Magic Mike made an appearance every night. Now if the Magic Mike showing up every night is Channing Tatum, then yes, I will allow it. However, when your Magic Mike is a naked kid that is seconds away from making a huge, disgusting mess in his crib, uhhhh no thanks. Put your diaper back on.

Always the thinker, Coco started putting Magic Mike’s jammies on backwards and thwarted his evil nightly plans. That’s using your brain, Mamma!

This weekend Coco and I were chatting about how our first borns were early crib-jumpers, and we foolishly laughed at how nice it is that our second kids would never dream of jumping out of their cribs. Also, because we are both crazy and had two kids in two years, our oldest babies had to figure a few things out pretty quickly, like walking up and down stairs. When your Mommy is super preggers and you are only 18 months old, you have to tackle stair climbing pretty quickly, but Mimi and Magic Mike are quite spoiled and still demand to be carried up and down the stairs.

Last night Coco hears a few strange sounds and thinks it may be one of her boys waking up. At first she ignores it, but she hears the small voice again. She climbs out of bed and puts her ear to each of their doors…nothing. Then she hears a noise downstairs! She creeps down the steps, turns the corner and screams when she walks right into a naked Magic Mike. You know, the non-crib jumping, can’t walk down steps, stopped taking all of his clothes off, Magic Mike. Yeah that one.

It was like Magic Mike knew his mom would be telling everyone how he never does this and that, and he just had to make her a liar. I bet he was plotting this move for months, listening in on her conversations daily, doing push ups every night in his crib, planning a Shawshank Redemption escape. I mean this really took some time and consideration. The kid took off his clothes, climbed out of the crib, opened the bedroom door, climbed over the babygate in the doorway, closed the door, walked down the stairs and decided to what, grab a snack, maybe chocolate milk?

Remember the game two truths and a lie? Let’s play, shall we?

1. Coco clearly has her hands full with Magic Mike and his stealthy night moves.

2. Monkey and Mimi will continue to find ways to make me a big ole’ liar.

3. Watching a movie about tanned, over sexed, muscular, gorgeous, dancing men is completely offensive and no woman (or large groups of women) should subject themselves to this kind of film.

Mammas Just Wanna Have Fun

January 28, 2013 by amushro

It seems like the entire country is gearing up for Super Bowl Sunday by making cocktail weenies and football shaped cheese balls. Well good for you because this lady could care less about the game for two reasons:

I am originally from Pittsburgh, so for me, football season has been over for quite some time. Bitter much you say? You betcha!
This weekend is my annual Girls Weekend Away! Cue the music and confetti!!

That’s right folks, this weekend this lady and five of my favorite Mommy gal pals are ditching our kids with our Baby Daddies and hitting the road. Between the six of us, we have 13 kids and we are letting our husbands fend for themselves. Well actually, my in-laws will come swooping over when I am out of town to make sure the kids don’t go all Lord of the Flies on my husband.

Now I know what you are thinking, this trip is going to be a bar hopping, booze filled, Girls Gone Wild weekend, right? Ummm, no. Get your mind out of the gutter. Did you miss the part about 13 kids? Also we have two preggers on the trip, or as I like to call them, the friends that will drive me home after too many cocktails.

This weekend will be filled with wine, hours at the spa, yummy dinners, girl talk, and sleeping in. So I asked my ladies what excites them the most about a girls only weekend and of course their answers didn’t disappoint!

I really don’t know which part I am most excited about, but today it might be the sleeping in. Monkey has been waking up super early and he must realize that he needs to do something so amazingly adorable or I will send his cute tush back to bed. So his new trick is to quietly (not so quietly because I hear him come in my room) dig through my jewelry box and select something shiny. Then he brings it over to his sleeping Mamma and says, “Mommy, I got this present for you. Do you love it?” Because I am a silly sucker for my boy, I act surprised and tell him how much I love the ring, bracelet, random broken earring he has picked out. I guess there are worse ways to be woken up.

While I can’t wait to sleep without someone in footie pajamas waking me from my much needed beauty sleep, my buddy D-Love is looking forward to a weekend of peanut butter.

When you are a mom, you have to make sacrifices and sometimes those sacrifices just suck. For D-Love, her daughter’s peanut allergy has forced her to ban all peanut products from her house to ensure her little lady’s health—good mommy. But not this weekend! Bring on the peanut butter, D-Love because you deserve it! So when we are packing snacks for the weekend, D-Love’s only request was that it contains the forbidden fruit.

I really don’t know how she does it. Since I eat my stress, I can usually be found diving into a jar of peanut butter when I have a crappy day or the kids are working my last nerve. Rather than shouting “You kids are driving me to drink.” I yell “You kids are driving me to eat this entire jar of peanut butter.”

My DD for the weekend and traveling partner Coco is most excited about listening and singing along to really loud and profane rap music. Without little ears in the car, it is going to be a Biggie and Tupac kind of road trip. Even if this weekend is a bust, watching a pregnant Coco sing “All Eyes on Me”–worth it’s weight in gold.

Packing should be easy for Ms. Raven because she is only bringing a very, very tiny purse. You know, the kind you CAN’T fit a diaper, sippy cup, lollipops, wipes, toys, and snacks in. Ahhhh, how liberating

Really we are easy women to please, take the adorably pregnant Lemon. She is thrilled she won’t have to cut up anyone’s food and can speak without a kid interrupting 574,039 times. While Clear-Eyes is going to enjoy a weekend with a cellphone and iPad not covered in crumbs, slobber, or snot, and of course, the elusive moments of privacy in the bathroom. Glorious!

I am a firm believer in Girls Weekends. They are an investment in yourself, in your friendships, and your sanity. It gives you just enough time to relax and recharge. It also gives your husband just enough time to realize that you are superwoman and he and the kids would be lost without you. So pack your bags, grab the wine, and let’s hit the road, ladies!

So how about a giveaway? In honor of girlfriends that make your life better, easier, and happier I am giving away a beautiful Stella and Dot “Courage” bracelet. The wonderful Kelly Smith, Stella and Dot Stylist (also my personal bestie and Mimi’s Godmother!) has graciously given Questionable Choices in Parenting this gorgeous bracelet to be given to one of my readers!

So click this link of for your chance to win! The lucky winner will be announced on 2/11/2013
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